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Dealing with holiday loneliness

A part of me feels like I "should" be doing something on the 4th. Even if it's maybe just meeting a friend for dinner. But no one's around, and I've also been quite tired. I like to have plans, but sometimes I'll do something more because I'm relieved I don't have to be alone, and when I do that I don't even enjoy what I'm doing, even though I may work very hard to convince myself otherwise. I don't want to do that anymore... In past years sometimes I would try to go see fireworks or take part in some other sort of "celebrating," but I would just get worn out and discouraged, and the weather would be so hot it would also wear me down... Have to get past this idea that there's something wrong about spending a holiday doing something quiet and even being alone, because there's really nothing wrong with it... At one time maybe perhaps, when I was a loner, but not anymore... I may just call some friends tomorrow -- even if they're all out doing something, that's fine.

By bleurowz8
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28 comments

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7

Anybody that has been in a really really bad relationship will tell you there are a lot worse things than being lonely

This is true.

6

I'm so lonely this year even though my family is around. It is not the same anymore because I'm not in a relationship. I asked a man out but he apparently doesn't want to and fireworks have been cancelled due to rain. I'm so tired of feeling this way.

I am sorry you are feeling lonely. I am too I guess. Like this post indicates -we get used to being with people on holidays and it's hard to move past it.

My wife of 27 years died in Sept 2017,she was the one who decorated the house we had for the holidays,since her passing, Thanksgiving and Christmas were the worst I've experienced since before our marriage,I didn't marry until 43,no kids,low paying jobs and rejection hurt deeply, so to me it's just another day. Society is set up for the couples,the widows,widowers, divorced, and never married are excluded,seldom do they get invites to interact with established couples anymore.

@confidentrealm (((((Hugs)))))

@HeraTera @Louise1920 Hugs to you, too!

6

I'm going to wash my car, that way it will rain.
Actually going to be at the park with my boys Dudley and Fenwick.
Don't like large groups, and have seen enough fireworks.
And Outer Limits marathon on Comet. Woo woo!
To quote Suzi Quatro, I'm free to be who I want to be and nobody owns my mind.
I wish you a happy and safe holiday with a hug.

oldFloyd Level 7 July 4, 2018

Thanks.

6

The movie group will have a movie showing tonight for those of us with no plans. Come hang out smile001.gif

6

If you have a winery close by, they usually have nice entertainment, and normally the people that go to wineries are pretty friendly and open.. try it some time..

Buddha Level 7 July 4, 2018

That is an excellent idea!!!

@Yoshigata
Thank you...
Sometimes it seems almost more relaxing to go alone and see who you might meet.. smile001.gif

None in my direct area, but it's something to consider investigating.

5

I feel the same way sometimes. I guess any time there is a gathering or a celebration, we all want to be included. It's just human nature to look for acceptance and be included in things. It's how we value our self worth I guess. We take it as nobody caring about us or wanting us when we don't get included.

Yeah, I know it's not the case, but it just feels worse on a holiday.

@bleurowz Yeah, it does.

5

I'm alone for every holiday and the person I live with hates me, so it's always a miserable environment. I'll end up doing yard work, eating a nice meal (probably fast food) and watching movies with the fan on me. I may go outside tonight to see some local fireworks in the neighborhood with a glass of wine in hand. Same stuff. I don't have much money, and I don't have friends here, so I find my own fun. I'm content though.

Content is a lot better than miserable. I'm missing someone this holiday, but also I gave my neighbor a bottle of wine for her birthday today, and a new friend I made this week an acting gig invited me to hang out later. Life always has sorrows and/or difficulties we can't control or anticipate, and we persevere as best we can. What I have found is that by doing things you enjoy, you find others who enjoy the same and, every so often, connect with you. That said, I hope your day today is whatever you need to be, at least, content. Hope there's some happiness too! smile001.gif

Reading Hwaking is nice work to do when we are alon lonly

My sympathies for your situation most relationships are like a smooth running engine,yours sounds like two stray cats,growls and lots of hissing,getting along but just barely.

@SonofMax I like what you've said!

@SonofMax @Redcupcoffee Wine! I should have picked up a bottle!

@bleurowz Thank you!

5

It's financially expensive to have friends and family. My favorite friends live in foreign countries and one in Colorado. When I get my name change, I will eventually fly out to visit them.

Mothers old enough to collect social security fly around the country and foreign countries visiting their children and grandchildren. I honestly don't know how they afford it. Some have jobs paying well into the six figures and some have wealthy husbands. Most of us have neither of those.

UrsiMajor Level 8 July 4, 2018

"When I get my name change, I will eventually fly out to visit them."

Why do you have to wait until you change your name? Are you on a no-fly list or something? haha smile007.gif

@joeymf86 Ok, when you travel internationally, you need something called a "passport." I was lucky enough that my worldly friend knew that they don't accept passports for international travel that are expiring in 6 months - at least not to Egypt, Dubai, or the places we are considering. Mine expires early November. In the meantime, I want to take care of my Driver's license and SS card first- because if my divorce certificate were to be lost in the mail, I would still have those documents.

@UrsiMajor I've never heard of a passport before. Are these new things people need to fly to other countries? /s

@joeymf86 Have you been to any foreign countries?

@UrsiMajor No mainland foreign countries, but I have been to an island belonging to a foreign country.

@joeymf86 Awhile back, I started a discussion about passports and cruise ships. People suggested having a passport if you got off the ship and even if you just stayed on the tour. I think I was considering Cuba back then. But a passport is a little blue book that foreign countries stamp. There's also a passport card which I'm not sure what use that has.

@UrsiMajor LOL. I know what a passport is. Lots of people do.

Either you didn't see the /s at the end of my message about passports or you didn't know what it meant. It stands for sarcasm. On your first reply you put passport in quotations and it read as if you thought I didn't know what a passport was, so I played along.

@joeymf86 yeah I didn't know what /s meant. I felt like talking about Cuba and places to go.

@UrsiMajor I don't have a lot of money, either. Some of my friends, it's like they just automatically go away and can't seem to understand what it's like to scrimp and save. It's not my reason for staying home today, but it does mean I have to pick and choose most of the time.

5

Hugs...I know its not much (seeing as I am 1000's miles away) but I'm here

Amisja Level 8 July 4, 2018

Thank you.

5

I feel ya. I spent a new year's like that once and it wasn't easy. I watched It's A Wonderful Life....and laughed when I should have cried. Ya hafta have a strong interior to go it alone.

Yoshigata Level 4 July 4, 2018

Yeah. Sometimes it's nice, but I can't do it indefinitely. Feels harder on holidays, too.

Very good point. That was the hardest holiday for me. I'm here for ya... anytime. ?

5

Sometimes I have to spend a holiday alone. My family’s on the west coast and I’m east coast. I have to prepare for it and it turns out well. I’ll get a stack of dvds, chocolate, and make something good. No staying in bed or watching the news. I create an environment I enjoy. Good luck tomorrow. You can do it.

Sydland Level 7 July 4, 2018

It seems that alot of us tend to be loners...

5

By the way it's just some arbitrary holiday made up by people you don't need to feel obligated to do anything

Yeah, I know that. Sometimes it's harder with the push for "togetherness."

4

I long ago abandoned the "should be doing" for holidays, birthdays etc. feeling. Just another day but slightly nicer as I don't have to work today. Not that this day does not have great value, just no more value then any other day.

4

It is important to understand the evolutionary psychology behind loneliness. Prior to civilization, it is likely that humans were very rarely alone because it would have been impossible to survive without being part of a tribe. Even with the onset of civilization it was hard to survive without being part of a group. It hasn't been until recently, with modern economies and entertainment, that being able to survive alone has been feasible.

So, for most of us, we are simply wired to not be alone. Once you realize that, then you are empowered to deal with it. Those who have mastered meditation have proven they can overcome this. Personally, I just realize that I am wired this way and make sure I don't put myself in that situation.

I know I struggle with loneliness on and off, but it just feels worse on a holiday.

4

I found a cure for that loneliness. When my major depressive disorder is active, I crave solitude. I'll avoid human interaction if at all possible. It's not a treatment I recommend, as there are other, less pleasant side-effects. lol

ellerdor Level 4 July 4, 2018

@doug6352 I tend to go to either extreme when I'm depressed, I eat too much or too little. If there's anxiety along with it, I tend not to eat.

@ellerdor Yes, I need solitude, too. But I'm always afraid of isolating.

4

Do not despair ! Being retired I am on holiday 24/7/365. you get used to it ?

VAL3941 Level 8 July 4, 2018
3

I have three adult kids that live in my town, one I know will be out of town today. I have no idea what the other two have going on, and haven't invited me to anything. I don't care about fireworks, so my plan is just to do what I wanna do and enjoy my day off. My actual plan is a nap sometime here shortly, and then work on one of my hundreds of projects and stay inside. It is 90° and high humidity so only feels like 100° outside. Too hot for me.

I've sort of done the same thing. Stayed inside, caught up on some work, slept a little, and did something for fun.

Same here, spending my 4th watching Netflix.

3

I feel the same only I have just been excluded from participating with a family member and it really hurts. Why are friends more important?

Maybe not having an emotional attachment as a blood relative might is the answer,being honest in giving an answer,no bias perhaps?

I'm actually closer to some of my friends than some of my relatives. As much as I would wish them to be, some family members are just not supportive. Got let down a few too many times.

3

Well...I just spent 3 hours weeding and cleaning up my garden....going to shower now...and probably do bookkeeping and then later check new guests into the BnB this afternoon....and then do a little more gardening this evening. Probably read a book in there somewhere....maybe watch Independence Day on DVD...

3

Sometimes on holidays I Google "Fun things to do nearby". Maybe I don't want to do something for that specific holiday, but I get out of the house and do something interesting. Last month I ended up going to a Sumo Wresting Tournament. It was fun, and it took my mind off of the holiday tapes I sometimes have going on in my head.

DevraisA1 Level 7 July 4, 2018

I was considering that. Maybe finding a street fair or some local fireworks nearby. Then I decided I really didn't want to go out. But yeah, there are times when I'll do that. Just didn't want to be around groups of people "celebrating."

2

I work nights and weekends. Holidays aren't a big deal for me anymore.

2

Your post was like watching paint dry. Now there are many who say that is a bad thing. I leave you to draw your own conclusions. But just think of everything that is happening on a molecular level when paint dries. You are watching Millions of cells change their state. That's pretty damn interesting but it don't look like much. One of the advantages of living in a town comprised me and my father who lived with his mother all his life. I would love to dress that up in some Southern Gothic Fairy Tail butt we were just dirt farmer crackers and I considered at a very young age finding for my cells on the streets of the city much preferable to the quotes Easy Living in the country full of its men.

I kind of have this hobby of trying to write the longest run-on sentence ever and you know you could just leave the periods out but that's not fair. It must maintain continuity... Challenge or do you get silly like that?

Just remember just a little nonsense now and then is appreciated by the wisest men. That of course is the artistic men meaning Life as a whole. But you figured that out I'm sure

Anarchy23 Level 4 July 4, 2018
2

I am admittedly a proud introvert. I rarely leave my one room palace for anything beyond going to the store and to the doctor. Although not absolutely alone I prefer solitude over events that are filled with attitudes and points of view that I don't appreciate and result in debates and arguments that are unnecessary. I am quite able to amuse myself and see holidays as just days. Nothing special.

IAJO163 Level 7 July 4, 2018
2

I've felt this way before as well and so I definitely empathize.

If you feel like flying solo today, then go do something - anything - that would be cool for you. Do something you've always wanted to do but never took the time. Maybe do something kind for someone less fortunate today (because there is always someone else worse off). Whatever it is, treat the time alone with appreciation because you are someone worthwhile. So, act the same as you would when you knew you were going to spend time with anyone else that's cool. Do something worthwhile.

All the best to you today!

Thanks. I did. And being on this site with everyone has also been a big help.

2

Just keep browsing here today, it will be much cooler (that sun’s lovely to look at but a killer to be out in), but more importantly you won't feel so alone. Maybe this evening you could go and join in watching fireworks somewhere. Tomorrow I recommend you go join a group doing something you enjoy to make some new friends and maybe by the next 4th July you won't find yourself on your own.

Thanks. I'm doing alright.

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