Is it just me, or is dating after 50 a nightmare?
It seems like almost everyone is so religious, which narrows the pool significantly.
Then out of those who are left the majority fall into one of these categories: looking for a nurse/care giver,
looking for someone MUCH younger to recapture their youth or REPUBLICAN
Then of the 10 people in your region that are left...you don't like 5 and the other 5 don't like you.
OYE! I think I just need a gay best friend to do things with and a new vibrator.
I have a 50 y.o. friend in Seattle who does online dating -- she says that when she meets them online or by phone, she addresses in her first conversation, explaining the desire to not waste his time or her own time:
Do you smoke?
Did you vote for djt?
How religious are you? (She is agnostic and won't go to church, but so far is okay with others keeping some religion.)
She inspired me when I wrote my profile on another site. It could not be more clear on there that I am atheist, not interested in dating a believer, and that I am very liberal. I even say "If you voted for djt, let's just pass and wave."
Dating after is a nightmare. I read an article before I initiated my divorce that for women over 50, men were looking for "nurses with purses". I did it anyway. And yes, I live in a conservative Republif**k state, so the pickings are slim for a radical, liberal, hippie chick.
Oh so agree with you. Met someone a couple of months ago-political activist-very excited-no time for a relationship lol. Others are trumpsters and conservative. A lot of my relationships have been with younger guys so the ones near my age don't like heavy metal and grunge. It's a conundrum out there.
For us people of a certain age, dating and finding that special someone is way more of a challenge than it is for the younger people. Dating is much easier for some than others at any age, but the older we get, the longer we are alone or not in a relationship, the harder it becomes as far as I can tell.
When we are young and starting out, we meet someone who knocks us off our feet and fall in love. Chances are, we live at home, have limited income, big plans for the future and looking for someone to go through life with. Once we meet that person, we start our plans together, careers open up and we make life choices that meet our needs. And than the shit hit the proverbial fan, for whatever reasons, the relationship goes south, we don't meet each others needs, love dies, family and work take a toll on the romance and we get divorced, sometimes several times. Each time, we go in hoping the person will be the storybook romance we see others have, best friends, shared interests, shared families. But it doesn't work out.
Then for many, there comes a time of just being single. For many women, it seems to be while their kids are growing up, they don't want to bring new men into their lives and have it not work out. For men, it could be a career that is just too demanding to have time for romance and the effort of dating. Or we just have no interest in the heartbreak. Time goes by and through some means (On-line dating, chance encounter) we meet someone who stirs up interest, maybe go out a few times, get to feel like we enjoy each others company. But unlike the young lovers, we have each a long history, own our homes, have our own families and friends, habits and interests that have been nurtured for years. Our own financial situations, debts, and spending habits. Maybe one likes to eat out most nights, one like to cook at home or eat spur of the moment. If you get together, do we spend our time in your place or my place? If we decide to be a couple, what do we do with the finances, our family obligations, our furniture and collections? Admittedly, some are better at this than others. Some people have limited possessions, no financial obligations and the transition is fairly easy, but most not so much.
This is not to say it can't work, I have certainly known a few who made the transition without too much drama and had a very successful end of life relationship. But I have known many more that could not make it work. I have limited hope in finding that person, but have not closed the door as some on here have. But I try to keep my hopes realistic and accept that I may just die alone. I have grown comfortable with my own company after 10 years of being by myself. Not how I pictured my life, but better than being in a bad marriage as I see so many people dealing with, I think.
That made me laugh!!!!
I am newly single again so I'm not even up for actually dating yet. However, I did put a profile up on a very popular site just out of curiosity.
Where I live - Louisiana - 95% are some variation of Christian/Catholic/Protestant.
I wouldn't date with a man my age who would go out with somebody 20-30 years younger than he (if he was open about that).
And, like you, I've narrowed my own pool by eliminating conservatives.
Then no smokers. Then they have to have a job and make a decent income. Oy is right!!!
So, that leaves me with about .05% of the population. And, from that, it's like you said -- either they don't see anything interesting in me or vice versa.
Or, some moron sends me a private message and barely gets "hello" typed before he's asking if I want to have sex and fun. WTF is wrong with people? I truly wonder how many women reply with "Yeah, glad you asked! Let's do it -- phone, cyber, your place or mine?"
I would not be surprised if I am completely single until retirement and I move back to what I consider civilization -- a more liberal area. I'm okay with that.
I just turned 50 and recently divorced after 21 years in a quite difficult marriage. The prospect of being single and dating again is a daunting task. I am not sure I will be good at it. I am rusty for sure. But in a strange way I look forward to finding myself. Who knows, maybe being alone for a while will be a good thing.
That's the nice thing about vibrators. They don't nag for sandwiches, they don't snore, and they never make you sleep in the wet spot (unless you want to-your choice). I've always said that when girls turn 15, they should be given a vibrator and a lifetime supply of Duracell batteries.
It would eliminate SO much aggravation for them.
As a new-ishly (happily) divorced 52 year old, this thread is depressing - and true. I want a companion, but I have obligations. I want love, but have forgotten how to be a good lover. I want someone who is like me, but brings out my better angels. Who is my age, atheist-ish, lives near me, is well educated, smart, funny...etc. Oh, and I don't really want any of that - too much work. Easier to be on my own. But, then, I want a funny travel companion, and it suddenly isn't always easier to be alone...Wow. I like my life, would like to share it, but am too old and too picky to succeed. Well, thanks all. I'm now feeling old and want to tell people to get off my lawn. I'm off to bed now.
I was always kind of a loser with girls as a teenager, but after my wife left in my late 50s, I've met at least half-a-dozen women whom I'd love to partner with, and I have so enjoyed dating and meeting them and enjoying their company. I'm now 65, still healthy and fit and have an actual job, and my competition is mostly apparently dead or debilitated in some way. I'm having the best sex of my life with a lovely 69 year-old teenager in a seemingly stable relationship (with help from generic Viagra and Merlin the Hitachi Magic Wand).
But of all the hard questions I'm going to ask the Big Guy on Judgment Day -- of all the horrible sadistic things things this Creator must answer for from those of us who know what "theodicy" means -- He's gonna have to explain why I had to wait so long to meet this dear woman, and I know He doesn't have a good answer, and if I was as mean and vindictive as He is supposed to be, I'd send Him to Hell were it not for the fact that He assigned me a guardian angel incompetent enough to occasionally relax his vigilance over my virtue while he was off molesting some hapless cherub so I could get laid while he wasn't looking.
The nuns in school did teach us that sex was the dirtiest, evilest, mostest nastiest thing in the world, and we had to save it for the person we love most -- this alone made it sound absolutely irresistible -- but if they'd told me I'd have to wait until I was practically too old to do it, it might have been just a little discouraging.
But when Joy shows up on your doorstep, make it welcome.
I'm over 50 and have been single for over a year now. What I don't understand, is why I even care about dating at this time in my life. I've done all the good wifie stuff, raised my children, and buried my parents etc. So now I really, really like being on my own, yet I still have emotional and physical feelings for men. You'd think I'd had enough by now
I love where I'm at in my life. As far as dating, if/when it happens will be fine. I've said this before, at 53 I feel like I'm finally the person who I was meant to be all along. If someone is attracted to that great. If not that's ok too. I know what I want in a relationship regardless of age. When it's meant to happen it will.
I'm laughing through the tears here. You really said it all. May I add the many candidates who post pictures of all their toys, motorcycle, speedboat, ad nauseum? WTF?! Just my luck that I'm the monogamous marrying kind. It's really the pits.
I am right there with you! My young gay friend (an awesome set up, BTW) moved to Brazil!
My attempts at dating lead to guys seeking: instant sex (I am not a by-the-third-date sort), instant marriage, instant bank account, or instant mom. The nonbeliever and left leaning thing further hurts my chances as does a general (at least with who I've encountered so far) male fear of widows (the whole cannot-compete-with-a-ghost thing). News flash! Late hubs ain't coming back, AND shall forever remain 42.
I figure I will see how it goes once my nest empties. A change in geography might be in order...