13 1

Do you and your spouse agree on the god thing?

My wife and I do not, and the chasm slowly gets wider day by day. Married 26 years. Is there anyone out there who can relate? I'm at a loss as to how to even broach the subject anymore.

By TimothyJ
Options Favorite Like

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence, and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy

Create your free account

13 comments

0

No! My significant other are at polar opposites when it comes to god, ie agnostic vs lutheran. We also disagree on politics, sports teams, movies and many social questions. Debates can be loud and we frequently point out that the other persons position is, "nuts". The key is that we totally respect each others right to believe what they want and that it really is ok to disagree. Point is not to allow it to become a power struggle. It actually is fun!

Marktzu Level 4 Nov 13, 2018
Reply
0

I was catholic my wife Methodist we were married in episcopal church became Unitarians and atheists together as we evaluated religion together. Are you able to sit down and discuss the issue together without an argument starting if not I would suggest that you sit down and just set up the rule that you will not question her religion if she just accepts you will remain an atheist. You must have known about these things when you married, Find that time again and live a great time together.

Marine Level 8 Nov 9, 2018
Reply
0

Yup we both know is bull shit

IamNobody Level 8 Nov 9, 2018
Reply
0

My exes and I do not agree. Meaning the mothers of my children. One is Italian and grew up in a heavily religious family. They force their kids into church at an early age. The other is Hispanic. They too force their kids into religion. We avoided talking about it because it's a sore subject for them.

AnarchyPreacher Level 2 Nov 9, 2018
Reply
1

im just starting 30yrs bro it levels out yes,why do you feel the need to even talk about beliefes just love each other nothing eles matters

zenith01 Level 5 Nov 9, 2018
Reply
1

Nope. I say god is Freddie Mercury, she says it’s David Bowie. It’s always been a huge issue in our relationship.

OK, I’m single, I just wanted to leave a silly comment. Please don’t mind me. Cheers!

ce54r Level 3 Nov 9, 2018
Reply
1

I think a relationship has to evolve - just like people should. I'm not the same person I was at 20. I was married for 25 years and the chasm grew so wide there just wasn't any point any more. Everything has an expiration date. I tried to grow as a person, reading, thinking. He did not. Those taboo subjects of politics and religion are our new reality. I think how one approaches both is an indicator of a person's values. Republicans have become white supremacists and many evangelicals are eating it up. I respect anyone's right to practice their faith as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else and they don't try to shove their ideology onto you.

That said, maybe discussing it in counseling may help.

LillyMaeve77 Level 4 Nov 9, 2018
Reply
2

I'm wondering if you're each spending time and energy on trying to influence/convert the other. The person I've been close with for the past 25 years accepted me right away, even though he was a 'believer'. Neither of us made any effort to influence the other as we both believe religion or the lack thereof is a personal matter unless one tries to bring it into the public/political realm. When I lost several family members in a short period of time, he never brought up his beliefs, for which I was grateful. For several years, he gradually began shifting to my way of thinking but then he gradually returned to 'tending towards belief'. I see no point in making an issue of this unless one person is trying to force his or her convictions on the other. I have a daughter who was an atheist from age four until she hit her mid thirties and, over a period of 18 months, 'got religion'. She's the same wonderful, brilliant, funny, kind, and generous person she's always been but she goes to church now. She and I love each other as much as ever, respecting each other's right to believe what we believe. I don't 'get' her religious beliefs but I 'get' her ~ in the Big Picture ~ and that's all that matters. Any chance you and your wife could come to such an arrangement?

Spudnut Level 6 Nov 8, 2018
Reply

I would love for that to be. Today I'm just grateful there is no active conversion attempt going on. Several years ago there was a HUGE scene that involved her and her mother. It wasn't pretty. Till this day I cannot understand how either of them can feel good about what was said. I asked for respect. It was not given. I know it sounds bad. It was/is. Long story, but that one incident - more than any other has made it practically impossible to think this will ever be a relationship where that respect goes without saying.

@TimothyJ I'm sorry to hear your marriage seems to be strained. For me, love and respect are pretty much the same thing within in the context of any long term, committed relationship.

1

My wife an I have been together for over 28 years, but she has become very religious over the past 11 years. She keeps saying that she's praying for my soul and even called our oldest son a devil child because he never wanted to go to church and I wouldn't make him.

Forward to today, I live in TN and she lives with our 13 year old son in GA. We are now legally separated and haven't seen each other for almost 2 years. So in my case I am confident that religion caused it and I'm not changing my beliefs for anyone, period. But for you Timothy I hope it works out for you brother.

glenn68jr Level 2 Nov 8, 2018
Reply

Aside from the locations, I could written what you did.

0

Her faith is STRONG. I am deeply skeptical and question virtually every aspect of organized faith and ideas of God/gods. Spurs good conversations.

pinefox Level 4 Nov 8, 2018
Reply

We used to have good conversations. Not so much anymore.

0

I'm sorry to hear that man. I wish I had advice but I've feared if my wife ever became religious what would happen and I don't think it would be good.

Does she want you to go to church with her? Kids involved?

Bosshaus Level 4 Nov 8, 2018
Reply

Church yes. Kids no (they and I share similar beliefs)

@TimothyJ That's tough with church. I went so many times growing up but now I fear I'd either feel sick or be laughing at every statement. I can't imagine she'd appreciate that.

2

Married 35 years,she believes I do not .She accepts me and I accept her .She is not religious.This has NEVER caused any problems .The two of you should avoid the subject.Unless she is overly religious and continues to put you down, but I do not know enough about your situation.A persons morals,integrity,honesty etc Is far more important .

richiegtt Level 7 Nov 8, 2018
Reply

The put downs have mostly subsided. Read: its been quite some time since the overt outbursts.

My wife goes to church most Sundays but is not a religous fanatic by any stretch. We have agreed not to discuss religion as she knows I’m not a believer. We’ve coped with our differences on religion for 43 years.

3

I had a spouse once. We did not agree. I will never have another spouse.

I am free.

Donotbelieve Level 8 Nov 8, 2018
Reply

I have often wondered how different my life would be ...

@TimothyJ Well, try it and see.

We're now in Seuss territory.

Write Comment
Humanist does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content read full disclaimer
  • Humanist.comis the largest non-profit community for humanists!