After 10 years of research, Dr Brené Brown found that there is an epidemic of shame in the U.S. No doubt, this shame epidemic is not limited to the U.S.
For many, it may take quite a while and a lot of hard work to overcome years of indoctrination from shame/fear based religions, primary caregivers, and society in general.
Dr Paul Eckman, from the University of California, states that shame is the most private of emotions and that humans have yet to evolve a facial expression that clearly communicates it.
Psychiatrist Peter Loader states that people cover up or compensate for deep feelings of shame with attitudes of contempt, superiority, domineering or bullying, self-deprecation, or obsessive perfectionism.
The findings from Dr Brown’s research also showed that shame is highly correlated with depression, addictions, and eating disorders.
"A child’s self-identity is shaped around the things they hear about themselves. A study of schoolchildren found that only 4% had not been the targets of adult shaming; including “rejecting, demeaning, terrorizing, criticizing (destructively), or insulting statements” (Solomon & Serres, 1999).
While it took years to atrophy the negative wiring,
I am unashamed for being myself.
I am unashamed for being true to myself.
I am unashamed for having loose skin after significant weight loss.
I am unashamed for having stretch marks caused by pregnancy and weight gain.
I am unashamed for sagging breasts caused by mastitis, nursing and gravity.
I am unashamed for not meeting cultural standards of beauty.
**I am unashamed for being female.
What are you unashamed of?
I use to be ashamed of my physical body due to being born with Cerebral Palsy, It took my a long time to understand that your physical outside doesn't make who you are as a person. When I was younger, I was not a nice person inside and in turn made me a bad person period. Once I learn to like myself, and then as a person I changed.
I have done things in my life of which I am not proud, and which I will not repeat. Those transgressions were ones of human weakness and poor judgment. Over those things I feel regret, not shame. Bu \, at age 81, t am not ashamed of myself or of my life as a whole. I feel that I have done pretty well, given the circumstances I came from. I am comfortable with who I am and with the path of my life. .
I am unashamed for speaking my mind. Lately I've been having a Pam from The Office phase in which I am more outwardly honest. I used to keep my opinion to myself at work or family gatherings, but now not so much. I'm defending things I stand for, and rebuking things that are hateful or bigoted. I will no longer sit quietly at the table while my dad makes racist or sexist comments. I will not let my coworker's scientifically unfounded statement go unchallenged.
You know what? Up until tonight, I could have said I was ashamed of many things, but something about this post struck a chord with me. To all those who were happy to let me find, hold and wallow in guilt I say "I forgive you". To the Catholic Religion that taught me everything I know about shame and guilt I say..."I forgive you". To all those who feel like they are in a place to judge me, I say...."I forgive you". I am no longer buying into any assessments of me but my own. Who on this earth can tell us more about ourselves than us? Thank you Victoria, for showing me what $100 an hour therapists failed to.
I am unashamed of the fact that I am a strong, outspoken, smart woman who won't back down from an argument if I'm right. (If I am shown new evidence that shows I'm wrong, of course I back down -- didin't I say I was smart?) I had a successful career in a male dominated field and held a number of leadership positions in the organization. Some people (usually men) tried to get me to soften up, but I ignored them. The most frequent adjective that was used to describe me was 'intimidating.' I LOVED it.
This really made me think. I have been ashamed for so long, for many reasons. I am just starting to accept myself for the person I am.
I am not ashamed of my caring, giving heart! I was shamed for too long by an ex friend for being that type of person with everyone but him. I am no longer ashamed. Instead, I need to be a little more guarded of who, how much, and why.
I once bad mouthed a boss over the phone and he (unbeknownst to me) was literally right around the corner and heard the whole thing! I was ashamed of it. While he had some shortcomings, he simply didn't deserve my bashing him like that. He called me in his office and it was so awkward and awful. This still gets me many years later.
I'm not ashamed of anything, because I've done nothing to be ashamed of in word and deed. I try to lead a good life. I work hard at it. I can't always say that about myself. I was a total asshole when I was in my teens and up to my mid-20s, for several reasons. A large part of it was not having gone through life's requisite knocks and dings—those really tough landings that either make you a better person or turn you into an embittered cynic. I wish that I could have been a better person way back in the day, but since there's nothing I can do about it, I've moved on and learned not to repeat the same mistakes.
I'm not really ashamed of anything about myself. I'm a little embarrassed about how much weight I've put on over the last few years, but life circumstances and health issues have put me in this position, and there's not much I can do about it right now. Everything I've been through and every decision I've made has helped create the person I've become. I've learned to embrace that, mistakes and all. Mistakes are opportunities to learn, so as long as you learn the lesson presented, there's not really anything to be ashamed of, in my opinion.
Shame=the religious lies of original inherited species SIN. ...a Norwegian word meaning miss the mark in archery. ...the fucked up King James bibles have been mistranslated at least 5 times from hebrew, aramaic, greek, latin, german et al into middle english. ...the alleged purification rituals of baptism and eucharist....turning grape juice&crackers into magic blood&skin to eat cannibal spirit delusions
I am unashamed of myself in general. I was raised as a Baptist and felt ashamed for a plethora of things over which I had no control, including being a sexual female. I am not necessarily proud of some things I have done in my life, but being emotionally stable is being able to say, "Yeah, I messed up, what did I learn and how will I avoid doing it again?"