80 35

Is sexual incompatibility a deal breaker for you?

With a high sex drive, sex is important to me. Mike and I were compatible until we had sex.

"I'm a giver," Mike said. "I only care about a woman's pleasure." Big talk.

"I need extra lubrication," I said, getting out a tube of AstroGlide. Mike disagreed. "You don't need lubrication" and entered me roughly.

It was like having sex with a battering ram. Although I explained what I like twice, he did not listen.

"I'm so fit, I can go for two more hours," he bragged. I groaned.

"Easy! Gentle! Slow down. Not so hard!" I said. "I can't relax. It hurts." Then, "I need a break." That ended it.

At 63, he couldn't even do cunnilingus. Instead of licking, he sucked on my clit hard like he was siphoning gas. Ouch. I don't want to see Mike again.

I have dealt with this before. Jackhammering. It's what these men like. Hurts like hell.

No wonder his ex-wife became a lesbian. She wanted a gentle woman. She married a woman.

By LiterateHiker8
Actions Follow Post Like

Post a comment Add Source Add Photo

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account


Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.


I would not call that incompatibility. Inconsiderate and selfish! Asshole. You will find better. Took me 7 years to find someone.

GreatNani Level 8 July 11, 2019

I totally agree!


You know the expression, "even when sex is bad, it's still pretty good?" That expression was written by a man. When sex is bad for women, its NOT pretty good. It's a waste of time, and often painful, as is well described here. This guy is a douche, and doesn't deserve female companionship.

Emerald Level 6 July 11, 2019


Exactly. Mike had three divorces.

I bet all of his wives refused to have sex with him. His last wife, Kristi, is 17 years younger than him.

I asked what happened to him and Kristi, because there are pictures of her in his 2003 book, 'Trekking Washington.' "You look very compatible," I said.

"We were very compatible for 10 years," Mike said. "One day, Kristi had a sour look on her face. I asked what was wrong. 'I don't want to be married,' she said. I didn't know she was unhappy! We filed for divorce two weeks later."

"Kristi became a lesbian," Mike continued. "Five years later, she married a woman in Massachusetts."


Most guys take pleasure in making a woman feel aroused and achieve an orgasm. It's not all selfless ... we get off on them getting off. I know it excites me. So some guy that uses a woman as little more than a sex toy should just focus on masturbating himself to sleep at night.

JeffMesser Level 7 July 11, 2019

How can you possibly say "most guys" when you haven't experienced any guys? Not as a woman anyway. You can only speak for yourself, or you can speak after experiencing sex with "most guys".

@Wildflower I actually just read a study about this a couple months ago. Men get off on the feelings of virility they achieve from making a women feel pleasure.

@JeffMesser So glad you are well informed. Men hate to be contradicted, especially by a woman. I read a study on that recently.

@Wildflower wow, it must be a terrible responsibility to know everything.


Are you a woman? Have you experienced sex with a man as a woman? Don't even try to tell me how women experience men or sex. Take a poll... you will the understand. But of course you won't. You are absolutely proving my point. Thanks!

@Wildflower I am speaking for men, not women. geez. get some objectivity and maybe a little better reading comprehension.

@JeffMesser You are speaking for yourself and generalizing about "most men". Try fucking a hundred guys and then tell me that most are all about pleasing a woman. You are so off base and hardly understanding from a woman's point of view. And yes, this post is about a woman's point of view. A man's perspective doesn't really matter. And I'm sorry that that hurts your feelings. But it's real life.

@Wildflower you are so wrapped up in scorn and hate that you completely miss the whole relevance of a study. Response bias is accounted and adjusted for in the methodology. To say "all the respondents lied" is to speak against centuries of statistical analysis. Remove hate-colored glasses THEN discuss.

@JeffMesser I either blocked Wildflower or got blocked by her a while back. Not surprised to hear she's maintaining her form....

@TomMcGiverin I certainly see why


Yes. Sorry you had to experience this.


Sorry you went through that. Too bad you didn't get a chance to cram something in his ass before he left.

Heathenman Level 7 July 11, 2019


Hilarious! What an idea. I don't want to hurt anybody.

@LiterateHiker whatever you cramp in there, it doesnt need lube. Just saying. I am in awe you share these stories.....


If the guy hasn’t figured it out by the age of 63, he ain’t gonna because he clearly has no interest in even trying.

webbew1 Level 7 July 12, 2019

Without a question sexual incompatibility is a deal breaker. In the case of Mike, he sounds sexually inconsiderate and selfish.

Dew25 Level 7 July 11, 2019


Exactly. He is sexually inconsiderate and selfish.


It is absolutely a deal breaker.
That's part of what doomed my last two attempts at relationships.

Don't tell me what I need. I'll let you know, thanks.
You do NOT "know better". Trust that.

KKGator Level 9 July 11, 2019


zesty Level 7 July 11, 2019

@irascible This guy would last maybe two minutes on a swingers party. Oh, he would learn!


Absolutely a deal breaker. Life is too short for bad sex.

GwenC Level 7 July 11, 2019

Lol, thanks for sharing. Yeah, sexual incompatibility is a deal breaker. If you take the time, you can learn your partner’s comfortable level of intimacy, confidence, and physical desires.

Marz Level 7 July 11, 2019

Right? I’m pretty vocal so if the guy is even remotely paying attention he’ll know what feels good to me


"...he was siphoning gas." Nice analogy: I was there w/ you.

I'd suggest that if he doesn't listen about sex, you already know all you need to know.

In my puffed-up view of the world, I want to make my partner melt. I want all the neighbors to know my name. (Well... you get the idea.) I don't want to be Top Ten, I want to be Number One – at least for trying. None of that happens w/o listening. (Mike must be a joy at work too.) Mike doesn't need a girlfriend; he's looking for a groupie.

I'd an experience w/ a woman once, someone I'd been friends w/ for a while, when she took her clothes off I thought, "OMG!" I was so ready. But when I touched her she said it "tickled." Also: The worst kisser ever.

That was the end of that. Sex is the path to Eros. And w/o Eros, you might as well just be Bros.

As you said: A dealbreaker.

Deiter Level 8 July 11, 2019


Glad you like my sense of humor. I thought, "he sucked on my clit hard like... ('hmmm... like what?) "he was siphoning gas." I laughed. Almost added "with a long, narrow tube" but that was overkill. I like the idea, thought. It's funny!


I think he meant 'I don't care about a womans pleasure---- '


Sexual incompatibility = deal breaker for sure.

Apunzelle Level 6 July 11, 2019

What is sex?


That doesn't sound like incompatibility. It sounds like he doesn't care at all what you want or need sexually. My ex husband was like that. He got mad and offended if I tried to tell him how to do things to me. He said he knew how to please women. It wasnt why I divorced him but it would absolutely be a dealbreaker for me now.

MsAl Level 7 July 11, 2019

Not even incompatibility -- that's just selfish! Didn't even take your needs into consideration.

bleurowz Level 8 July 11, 2019

Sounds like that even borders on rape, honestly

I agree. He sounds selfish


how do you make it to 63 and not learn how to lick a vagina? that's just weird.

JeffMesser Level 7 July 11, 2019

It's not the vagina that is the the center of attention, it is the clitoris and there is definitely a method to achieve the greatest excitement and pleasure for your partner.

Having reached this age, I take my time and pay attention to the reception I'm getting. If what I'm licking doesn't get a response, I lick something else. The vagina has a tendency let you know what it likes and what it doesn't. Juices flow, or they don't. if they don't, do something else. This guy was all about him getting off. Didn't care who else got off.


I know what he needs , A plain model c class sex bot , nothing pricy . A mid range, with hidro like Jack's for better bounce on the ass, cost Xtra though.

Bushshaker Level 7 July 12, 2019

Yes, but in incompatible is different then inept.


Yes, sexual incompatibility is a deal breaker. I have definitely experienced men like you described... and they didn't last. Maybe there are women who like the "battering ram" but that is not me! If he doesn't listen and take his time to get to know me, he's gone.

Wildflower Level 8 July 11, 2019

Sexual compatibility is the most important. I usually start off with sex EARLY on. Because I'm not going to waste my time getting to know a guy if the sex ain't right. Got to see if he's worth the time.
Sorry it didn't work out with this guy. That selfishness would translate into the relationship. Good to know now.

Doraz Level 7 July 11, 2019

How early on? A few sips in to the coffee date? smile009.gif
I understand you. I went on some dates with a woman I was interested in, and really enjoyed the company, conversation and build up of sexual tension between us. We got to the sex soon enough and that's where the tension started turning into frustration. We just weren't right for eachother.




Remind me what exactly is sex

Drsmash253 Level 7 July 11, 2019

What you just described sounds a hell of a lot like rape.

You have a right to set limits and have them respected. If they aren't? Game off.

You have a right to your "No" at any point. And I mean ANY POINT.

The National Sexual Assault Hotline: []

RavenCT Level 9 July 13, 2019

Dealbreaker for me. Been there, done that. I’m not wasting my time or emotions on someone who cares more for their own pleasure than mine. Good sex is equitable. Also, if one partner wants lube, the other doesn’t get to veto it (and everyone engaging in anal play should be using lots of lube!).

UUNJ Level 8 July 12, 2019

Sorry it was like that. Let’s not be like Mike.

Sexual incompatibility is definitely a deal breaker

BudFrank Level 7 July 11, 2019
Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text 'q:372708'.
Humanist does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content read full disclaimer.
  • is a non-profit community for humanists!