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What are the chances

So I just discovered the hermit across the street from us did something nice for me a couple of years ago, per his own admission; another neighbor, standing right there, had withheld the identity of the nice deed doer.
From this I discovered my eyesight is not that great, having never met him in 12 years and never been within 5 ft of the guy until last week.

For a split second I got stars in my eyes, wasn't expecting that at all. That hasn't happened in over 22 years.
I feel compelled to kill this pseudo crush due to proximity and sanity's sake, and well, fear.

My late husband and I would occasionally joke that he was the serial killer on the block, or a russian spy. He's very kind to the elderly neighbors however, snowblowing, etc for them.

Another neighbor a couple houses down has never seen him before in the 3 years she's lived here.
It's like I never knew he existed except for obnoxious use of leaf blower until last week.
The thought occurred to me to bring cookies to sleuth what might be below the surface. He's also as "web dead" as anyone can possibly be.
Doesn't appear to have visitors.

What would you do.

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Qualia 8 Mar 16

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Iโ€™d totally reach out. Sometimes the โ€œweirdโ€ ones are the nicest and most interesting.

@Shelton why did you decline?

@Shelton Oh yeah I'd probably decline that too ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ


Or he could be a nice guy who just kinda keeps to himself


Wow! Hope those aren't the things people think about me. Some of us just like to be alone but will do whatever we can-preferably anonymously- to help others when we see a need that should be met.

My late dh & i were fond of gallows humor, but yeah.


Why not bring cookies over?

There are always restraining orders. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Yep, cookies!

@geko @BeeHappy You can always make more cookies.... gees we are pessimists here!

Not me! I say take the cookies over there, see what's up. Probably won't be half as interesting as your imagination creates.

LOL I don't even know what kind of cookies he likes though. I just off the top of my head asked if he like them and he said yes. The aftermath of that being my going all type A thinking of how many different kinds to make and what sort of cookie cutter to use. LMAO

LMAO @ restraining orders. The potential for this to go sideways is high. Ding two is there is a tiny american flag on his front porch. I always wonder if people need to remind themselves where they live with those.


Chase the stars.


I only voted to comment. Maybe he is too sensitive, honest or kind for this world.

You can comment without voting by hitting the add comment icon

I would love to be pleasantly surprised that way. I'm pretty much a hermit anymore too these days.

@NothinnXpreVails didn't know that

You have to vote to be able to comment? I've commented on things before without voting?

@Akfishlady got it now


Judging from the choices in your survey I am glad I am not your neighbor. Hell, he sounds like me! I don't bother my neighbors. If I walk past their yard and see some trash, I'll pick it up. If their dog gets lose, I'll return it (often after some treats). if there is a suspicious character in the neighborhood, I will watch them and possibly confront them. If they need help, I'll help them.

LOL ook, so you wouldn't want someone to be curious about you that had previously barely known you were alive, gotcha. We watch out for our neighbors too.

Every choice was rather negative. Could have had a choice to "mind your own business"or to be friendly.

I wish I had more neighbors like you here!


How about none of the above on the questionaire. Sometimes folks stick to themselves because they feel their neighbors don't have time for them or want to socialize with them and they don't want to impose themselves on others. DO something nice and let him know his efforts are noticed and appreciated by the neighborhood and if you have a neighborhood bar b que take the time to invite him. I am sure he will be delighted to be included.

I just find him ridiculously attractive to be single. Imagine a good looking version of Roger Waters. Deffo he has to be involved somehow. Just can't wrap my head around anything else. It's just odd. The lack of traffic in or out.

@Qualia Just because he is attractive doesnt mean he is involved. People may assume he is and be intimidated by the external and not take the time to just get to know him as a person. IF he is the only unattached person in the neighborhood he may be left out of functions for that reason. All of my neighbors are couples/families and I never get invites to dinner single that I do if I am dating.

@misstuffy with the exception of a couple people on the block most of us don't do "en masse" get togethers. It's not like a "hey let's have a block party" thing going on in this street.


Knock on the door and ask him over for coffee?

My house is too fuckin' scary. It's depressed widowed up something fierce.

Just don't go inside!!

Buy some taquilla, do three shots, eat the worm and knock on his door with a pot of coffee in a house coat. @Qualia

@Paul628 He was suggesting me inviting him over LOL /too soon for that ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

@Gatovicolo LOL!!!

@Qualia Treat him like you're selling him something on Craigslist. Meet in a crowded public place. ๐Ÿ˜‰

@Paul628 LMAO. That's no good when we can see each other across the street! ๐Ÿ˜›


GAWD put him there just for you..............better get hussling with those cookies!


What are the chances someone who happens to live across the street all this time would be cool and into a quirky atheist doberman lady- slim I think!

@Qualia GAWD works in mysterious ways, or so I am told............

@AnneWimsey LOL


Wow. Here's this guy, minding his own business, with very little interaction with the neighbors--but when he does, he seems to be always kind and doing chores to help others.

So he's not doing anything but living his life...I wonder what he would think if he knew what you're thinking. I know if I found out someone was tripping on me like that, I would be a little freaked.

What I would do, in this case, is just leave him alone. He knows you're across the street; maybe he hasn't done anything because he doesn't want to?

marga Level 7 Mar 17, 2018

If the situation were reversed I'd want him to have the guts to ask me out. Read the whole thread maybe.

@Qualia I did (don't assume). Maybe it's not a case of him not having guts, maybe he just doesn't want to.


Update: So after a solid month, this week cookies & cracker candy were made, delivered in a small paper tote, with a note enclosed. The end.


Introvert, would bet smart well read and pretends to be grumpy but has a good heart. Just because he is secretive doesn't mean he is crazy he might just be a privat sole.


Need two more options: Just a nice guy who is very private, and clinially agoraphobic.

Regarding what to do. Do you still owe him a thanks or is that how you got to see him? Delivering anything in person might be seen as intrusive. If anything, send a note or letter.

Zster Level 8 Mar 17, 2018

My original thought was to give them to the elderly neighbor to deliver. That's what I'm leaning toward today.

That might work!

@Zster Doubtful any of this is going to 'work' per se but 1st thought definitely takes the pressure off.


Yeah, something worse,...somebody that makes assumptions about a neighbor based on NOT seeing them do anything wrong! Oh, that wasn't him!

clearly my humor isn't coming through here. Allow me to bake your potato with my steely glance. LOL


He could be a very intellegent person, and somtimes these folks can be socially arkward. I am not above average in intellegence, but I make up for it with my out going personality.

I'm an introvert with bouts of extroversion myself. My circle IRL is small. Those rare times when my social dance card was full were very stressful to me and began to feel like a job.

@Qualia I understand it is very hard for some. I only have that problem when I am depressed, and can only imagine how hard it is for those who are socially challenged, and I have known a few. I have been able to build relationships with a few, and they are usually quite interesting people.

That is rather like me. I can find small talk challenging because I have no interest in sports, hunting, "destroying the environment", church, local politics, or gossip. Now if someone wants to talk about ecology, the nature of reality, sci-fi, National Politics, morality, photography, or a bunch of other stuff, I am all in.


I voted socially stunted.
Have you ever seen the movie The 'burbs?


funny I've been trying to decide whether to keep this house or not, maybe this is the push I need. haha


Leave the cookies, with a nice note thanking him for his kindness, on his porch.
Put the ball in his court. If he does nothing, leave it alone.
He might be a 'hermit' for a reason.

That's what worries me. He's too attractive to be single. All I could figure out from an online search is he's 10 years older than myself.

@Qualia A lot of people thought Ted Bundy was too good looking to be a serial killer. Just sayin'.

@KKGator true.


Update, please. It has been a while!

(((( Anne ))))
I've been looking for something "wrong" with him (so I could kill my crush on him) for weeks in vain (mostly) .... then he finally gave me pause just yesterday. Lots has happened since then.... but us both being animal people, have a huge chasm between ONE thing......

He finally confessed to me, based off something I said in passing about feral cats... that he's in "TNR feral cat culture".... in hindsight my comment vs his body language I'm leaning toward believing him...
While I'm firmly an Audubon society sympathizer and am very much against supporting ~invasives~, and I consider feral cats damaging to wildlife & invasive due to human idiocy.

.....sigh... a tense conversation in txt was had.... he didn't answer my POVs on animal husbandry... but chose instead to send me flirty texts... so Idk.... not in a very good mood about it all today. So I"m very much still a "free agent".....but if it's over, it was A LOT of fun while it lasted. A lot a lot a lot. LOL

@Qualia why would trying to humanely reduce feral cats be a sticking point? What am I missing here? They suffer terribly.....

@AnneWimsey feral cat culture does not care about the consequences of setting cats loose. Nothing else matters to them but the cats, IME. He told me he provides food, medical etc etc for them on the daily. Could it be a ruse to turn me off? Maybe, but all the paraphenalia for it was right there in the garage.... altho I missed any bags of food if he has them.

And now I'm wondering if he's not feeding the couple loose cats in the neighborhood. I've seen and DO NOT WANT these cats in my yard.
Dogs love cat***t, which is notorious for transmitting things like ooooh, toxoplasmosis, lepto (with urine) etc etc. Just NO.

@AnneWimsey I DO know he tosses leftovers out for oppossums, skunks etc. IDC about that, those critters belong. In fact found that endearing.

Cats on the loose? Not so much. I *****ing hate feral cats, altho maybe contrarian to some I do generally like cats, just not wild domestic ones.

@Qualia maybe thatโ€™s the only thing you donโ€™t agree with him on. I doubt it, but maybe.

@AstralSmoke We'll see. And it's entirely possible that he's more bothered by it than I am, and I"M pretty bothered by that, tbh. ... because that thoughtline is typical of certain ideologies that are completely incompatible with mine. He knows I've a show dog...although I explained early on why that was...

@Qualia just a thought...the bottom line is, you both care about critters, just not in the exact same way. How perfect does a match have to be?!!? It's not like he's a drumpy supporter, right.

@AnneWimsey LOL Idk who he voted for... I've yet to ask.(so many other things to talk about so far! lol) ~8D And don't know if he'd tell me if I did. Right off the bat tho did inform him "I'm pretty liberal about most things"...
If the ideology crosses over into where I acquired my dogs that will indeed throw a wrench in it, on my side. If where I got my boy bothers him... he'd be wise, if he wants to continue seeing me.... try to understand why that came to be. If I so much as smell peta AR whackadoo stuff i'm out.... altho in fairness idk what their stance is on support of practices that result in harm to wildlife... (not that it matters much, to me)

So far on his side, my position hasn't resulted in his ceasing to blow up my phone... today.

@Qualia I'd write him off. Already too much drama for my liking. It does not bode well, at all.

@KKGator NWB... but yeah.

@Qualia Sorry, NWB?


Just an extreme introvert. We need them as well.

I'm not sure really..... he is an excellent communicator. That said, something just happened yesterday that may well ice the whole thing.

@Qualia Sorry if the 'feeling' has dissipated for you. Maybe good while it lasted? Anyway, your discussion with @AnneWimsey compelled me to post something about this 'situation' which I have been thinking a lot about lately. So thanks.

@AstralSmoke ((( hugs ))) yeah.... now all I gotta do is find out if he was a trump voter and it's done. LOL

@Qualia maybe he voted for Bernie!

@AstralSmoke LOL.... look I'm tryin' to protect my heart here!~ That would make a retreat so much harder!!!

@Qualia I was just trying to be helpful.

@AstralSmoke LOL thanks? ๐Ÿ˜‰


Had to get this off my chest, update #2.
The conclusion is from the original list #7, and not on the list something else.
Former catholic, not a church goer (yay!) but seems to have some sort of baggage that alludes to that time period.
Without going into gorey details, it's been enlightening, my ego got stroked, but for things I won't go into that are out of my margins quirky, one of those things being extremely repressed, my search continues.
He is adorable though, and very sweet. Kind of a shame.
Curiosity sated...


Could be he's an introvert.


Sounds like maybe you watched Disturbia one too many times. ๐Ÿ˜›

Yeah maybe, I'll have to look that one up, or not.
Anyway I'll probably never speak to him again after this. The cock blocking responses here have sold me into not! LOL

@Qualia lol

I would actually avoid it, because if it goes badly... it could be very awkward after the fact, since he's a neighbor.

@bingst totally agree, think the fact it was the 1st time I've been intrigued in person got me too wound up there for a second, err week. But he's never out so there's that? Maybe if it went south could inspired me to buy a couple acres and get the chickens and goats I'd love to stare at all day ~8D

@bingst but the fear of hooking up with a repressed "not the kind to make waves in critical situations" type person is huge. That's a fail from the start.


Why worry about it? He hasn't done anything wrong. Sure, he might be a serial killer or something like that. But then again, one day you, I, or anyone could snap and buy an AK47 and head for a schoolyard. Why put yourself in an unnecessary state of worry?

Now, on the news they do interviews of neighbors of various killers and so on. The answer is almost always "He was polite, but real quiet. He always kept to himself and never bothered anybody." Most of the people like that in this world go through their private lives, without harming anyone.

Have you ever seen Michael Moore's TV Nation back in the day, where they did all the things notorious serial killers did, then interviewed the neighbors?

My gut is telling me there are reasons why I feel the way I do, despite having attempted to make light of it, am being minimized & 'splained about it on this very thread, by both men and women. I'm a bad, evil bitchy, person, well yanno what. That tells me who I'll never waste time on on this site. Granted I'm not be the best writer but geez.

Nothing is likely to come of it all but all the painfully shy people are angry about it. Well it goes both ways. I can see this going nowhere fast. It's gonna be cookies and that's that.


I would definitely reach out. Can't be too bad a guy, hopefully, if he's that considerate of the elderly neighbors! I bet he'd really appreciate the gesture.

Thank you for not dogpiling me! It was meant as a cynical humorous post. There are cookies in his future whatever the case.

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