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Fifth generation Angeleno who's done some time on the East Coast. Though I'm edging into the grayhead years, I still have aspirations (and unfulfilled ambitions). I enjoy talking about the ponderous with interested parties – small talk's not really my jam. I'm still co-raising a teenager so I don't have the luxury of taking myself too seriously. I feel stuff: I hope to meet others who do too.

Comments

I had watched a Nicolas Cage movie. I think what he does he does well. The title of the movie was ...
Deiter comments on Jan 19, 2019:
As you prob know the above was based on a ridiculously successful book series. They joked on SNL, w/ Cage himself, that he tries to be in every movie made. His bottom for quality seems to have no threshold, which isn't to say he can't do good work when given the chance. Also, as you may know, the Rapture isn't even from the Bible – 18th cent Puritan preachers, actually. It's a cruel joke on believers and a dumber premise for a grade Z film.
I am a fan of old movies. I find movies from the 1930s had better writing and dialogue than most ...
Deiter comments on Jan 19, 2019:
In the 30's and 40's a number of big shot novelists were lured to Hollywood. Most of them ran away screaming: Wiilam Faulkner, Aldous Huxley, John Steinbeck, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Nathaneal West, and Raymond Chandler among others. Some of their movies were quite good – The Big Sleep (Faulkner), To Have and Have Not (Faulkner). I'm also a big fan of film noir like Double Indemnity, Gaslight, Key Largo, Laura. There've been some really good more modern versions. I loved After Dark, My Sweet and Body Heat.
"Twelve Thirty" The Mamas & The Papas - YouTube
Deiter comments on Jan 19, 2019:
I went through a thing in the early 00's ago where I listened to them on a jag. But then Mackenzie blew the lid on John. He wrote some great songs, but – wow! – what a psycho mess.
M. Night Shyamalan- Love him? or What in the bloody hell was that?
Deiter comments on Jan 19, 2019:
I struggle with fantasy. I too often find the worlds they create don't have rhyme or reason and the rules and laws seem arbitrary and inconsistent. Ghosts, the afterlife, supernatural forces – meh. I struggled with much of Harry Potter for that reason: Only read the first book but saw all the movies. Eventually, toward the end, the quality of everything else won me over. Fretting about that kind of stuff usually takes me out of the story. For that not to happen, it has to be good. Guillermo del Toro (Pan's Labyrinth) can do it. The Wizard of Oz, It's a Wonderful Life, some of the Marvel movies, Toy Story: There can be exceptions. I much prefer science fiction. Big fan of The Matrix, Blade Runner (original), and Black Mirror. At least in those worlds there seems to be laws that can't be broken. If you're Shyamalan fan, Bird Box may be his best movie yet: And it's the one he didn't make.
I've been stabbed in the back by the people I have needed most. I've been lied to by those I ...
Deiter comments on Jan 18, 2019:
*I have felt alone when I couldn't afford to be.* It's interesting that when you're struggling with something in your life, and would seem to need the most support, how people – friends and family – can turn on you. I think watching someone struggle – in whatever that means – scares people. They see it as a threat to their own equilibrium and well-being. I just had a friend tell me this morning that when people do that to you, it's an opportunity to see what kind of friend they truly are. It may be time to move on. Sometimes "being there for myself" gets lonely.
What is your view on Macjesus? [lbc.co.uk]
Deiter comments on Jan 18, 2019:
Wait till they hear about *Piss Christ!* It's two icons that're perfect vehicles for artistic expression. Though, the Orthodox, who've a very strong influence in Israel, are famous for not having a sense of humor about their wacky traditions. So there's a large component of hypocrisy going on here. (Let's see someone do a piece where a Torah scroll lines a birdcage or wraps fish. How will that go?) Though, so far as I can tell, no one has issued a Fatwa equivalent yet.
Which would be harder to prove...
Deiter comments on Jan 18, 2019:
Interesting thing is, relatively few seem to entertain non-traditional, more defensible conceptions of a Supreme Being. The number of people calling themselves Deists or New Age in the U.S. is in the thousands, a teeny tiny minority. That everyone prefers the patriarchal Old Man in the Sky version would seem to indicate that no one really cares about the plausibility of the story or the lovingness of the deity (there was that Flood, after all). They just like institutions.
I am a poet. I wrote “poem to the people“ and was asked to deliver it on the steps of ...
Deiter comments on Jan 17, 2019:
That was brave.
Well I've been afraid of changin' And I'm growin older too. IS THIS YOU?
Deiter comments on Jan 17, 2019:
You like Stevie? If you haven't seen this, prepare to have your mind blown. To get to the meat start the vid at 4:40 or so. https://jellyrollfortheearhole.blogspot.com/2010/12/rhiannon-you-never-knew.html
Billy Preston - Nothing From Nothing • TopPop - YouTube
Deiter comments on Jan 17, 2019:
Then you may love this. (I did.) I follow this kid on YouTube. Note that his right hand only occasionally uses the thumb and seems only to make mostly two note chords. His harmonies are golden though. https://youtu.be/pTl8QXgfj7M
Currently, I'm reading Harari's "Homo Deus" and it's one of the best books which I've read. Do you ...
Deiter comments on Jan 17, 2019:
Yes, mostly through *Sapiens* and a lengthy interview he did with Sam Harris. It's available on Sam's Waking Up podcast site if you're interested.
Life is short.
Deiter comments on Jan 17, 2019:
And, listen to the passion and not other people. That *novel* or *painting* or *black magic* may not bring you the validation you desire. Tell yourself, "That's not why I do it. It's not for other people." The demon's trust you need most may very well be the demon within. (I've got to remember that...)
Fill in the blank.
Deiter comments on Jan 17, 2019:
Parking
Ever had this problem? You meet two people, and one strikes every note in your "relationship" genes....
Deiter comments on Jan 17, 2019:
There's always someone more attractive out there. That person you know nothing about but appearances. Same goes for you: What makes you think you're the be all end all? You could make love to the love of your life all day long, then go outside and see an attractive someone that makes you think "Damn! What is *this*?" That's ego and raw desire. It's compelling – I won't lie – but it's not the truth. Or, not a truth you should be taking orders from. The heart wants what it wants and life is full of s--t compromises. It's a wrestling match. *You can't always get what you want. But sometimes, you get what you need.* And sometimes you don't. Such is life.
Good morning all!! Its hump day!! How you know? See attached meme lol [youtu.be] Here's a nice ...
Deiter comments on Jan 16, 2019:
*You keep samin' when you ought to be a-changin'...* Also, s/he's a cad, a cheater, and a liar, but if they *Do it one more time, I might just walk!* The best tribute the jellyfish and wafflers will ever get.
A tad sappy, but true none the less.
Deiter comments on Jan 16, 2019:
Also understanding that much of that love we feel is programmed biology. But if you also like your kids, then that's on them. The one thing that I don't think a person can fully understand if they're not a parent is the hurt you feel when your kids hurt. It's a scale of empathy you don't have for any other living creature. I remember when I'd to do some time at our preschool co-op. One day, an "alpha girl" told my daughter she couldn't join their play – exclusionary play, it's called. It was hard not to feel my own rage. (I might've felt worse about it than even my daughter.) I talked to one of the more experienced teachers. (Praise them. They do important work.) She told me, in so many words – "Oh yeah. That s--t'll trigger you."
Just a pretty song. Reminds me of my twenties. [facebook.com]
Deiter comments on Jan 15, 2019:
It's easy to forget how good Rod once was. We were invited to see him perform at a big new Indian Casino (the wife worked w/ tribes) about 10 years ago. At the time he was promoting his first American Songbook album. He opened with one of those old nuggets before he went straight into his classics bag. It was fun but I've to say that when took a swing at Hot Legs it was clear he had, er, changed some. (He may've required oxygen after those "I love ya honeys!") It's OK, Rod. We still have Every Picture Tells a Story, etc.
How does it make you feel when a date makes extravagant promises? This could be anything from ...
Deiter comments on Jan 15, 2019:
A gift is a tangible thing, at least, better by far than a promise of a long lasting relationship or fantastic sex. (People who make those claims are usually liars.) Gifts (often) can be cynical and manipulative. Someone wants to make you dinner? Great. Some unctuous acquaintance wants to buy you a Cartier necklace? Run. *A move nearby* sounds like someone needs to pump the brakes. (I'd girlfriend once who'd buy me gifts all the time. When she got mad she wanted them all back.) Gosh. Now I want to know more about you: Who are you that drives men to make such extravagant gestures? You must be something.
Good for any situation
Deiter comments on Jan 14, 2019:
I hope it's not a withering cause, in this age when opinion is identity. Where people are more apt to say "You're wrong!" rather than "I disagree." Where people look for easy answers to match their biases and accept unreliable information. This is how pseudoscience gets its wings and Nazis get votes.
This is what I want.
Deiter comments on Jan 14, 2019:
Neither is easy. Good luck with that.
A picture from the cemetery towards my home town.
Deiter comments on Jan 14, 2019:
What..? I know Illinois ain't much for mountains (honestly, I know almost @#$% all about Illinois) but this is impressive. It almost makes forget the fact that one quarter of voting Illinoisians chose an avowed Nazi in the last election. (I'm sure that wasn't you, BTW.)
What is art? Can art cure what ails you? Is art still valuable in the world? I'm not an artist ...
Deiter comments on Jan 13, 2019:
As someone who wrote a music blog, collected art books, and has been know to create stuff of my own – recent years have been devoted to creating children's books – all as a strategy for coping with and getting through this life thing, I'm all about the Art. In fact, as a way to distract myself and others from the world of woes, I began posting on Facebook about my favorite stuff: **Why Life Is Worth Living** (see example below). Art is our justification for believing we're the *glorified* beings, separate and above all other life forms. It's why we get to rule the planet and kill everything else, including each other. A hard point to argue when you read the poetry of Sexton, gaze upon Da Vinci, listen to Chopin, or even watch the heartbreak in Denzel Washington's eyes. It's our best elixir against the toll of existence. Better yet, it lifts us – that's all you need to know. What is art? It's whatever it is to you.
House GOP Leader: ‘Action Will Be Taken’ On Steve King Over White Supremacist Remark | HuffPost
Deiter comments on Jan 13, 2019:
Don't bother getting out the popcorn. They're done: Action was taken. It was in making a hollow statement.
It is interesting that age plays such a great role in compatibility as aging is such a new thing for...
Deiter comments on Jan 13, 2019:
And, sadly, part of what you *are* is what people think you are. If people, esp young people, think you're old, despite whatever comes out of your mouth, your face will betray you. I posted a rant by a comedian who talks about old people being not only invisible, but no longer allowed to even look at younger people – it's seen as creepy or gross. As someone looking for work, I know all too well the stereotyping that's alive and well for the aging.
This should be easy. Name a fad you hated. I hated the Twiggy haircut I was forced to get.
Deiter comments on Jan 13, 2019:
The hard Right neo-fascist political wave that's taking the planet. That I may not live long enough to see it pass saddens me.
When a man truly loves a woman does she become his weakness? And when a woman loves a man he ...
Deiter comments on Jan 13, 2019:
*FYI: When I wax verbose like this – as I often do – I'm trying to figure stuff for myself.* I'd argue that it whatever **love** is, it's on a spectrum: When someone accepts your love, and returns it in kind, it can be wholly empowering – the best thing ever. However, when love isn't balanced, as it often isn't, it *can* be weakening. And not everyone gives and receives in the same way for a whole host of reasons. Some feel that when they love they make themselves vulnerable and less defensible – AKA weak. That's ego. Lust, desire, and projection are all about ego. **Love**, in that lofty *higher self* version, is a gift and not something to be used for positioning yourself for better advantage. That's the way it should be but rarely is. (When done right, that's what *parental love* can be.) And even knowing that doesn't necessarily mean you'll get it (speaking for myself). I'll probably get grief for this, but every time someone on this site talks about how they will only accept the best from others, or how they are so *worthy* or will only accept what they *deserve*, I can't help but think that's the voice of a fear fretting about losing that power. That whole *if you love someone, set them free* business is higher love in action, IMHO. Ultimately, love is a gift; it's not a barter. It's what people want to believe God's love is (it isn't, according to Scripture anyway). At best it's selfless. But sex, money, insecurity, etc. tends to mess all that up. Also, one of the smartest bits of wisdom I've ever heard said *we don't get what we deserve; we get what we resemble.* It's complicated. It makes sense that we bumble our way through and often come up short. It's aspirational, mostly, and not always attainable. I've seen it in others – my parents had it – so I know it's possible. But I don't think the Universe is an equal opportunity employer. Not everyone gets to have it. Regardless, life can be (will have to be) good either way.
Sensual Songs --- Share Some [youtu.be]
Deiter comments on Jan 12, 2019:
The orgasmic moans (note the eye roll) are all the better coming from her in a church dress. (Later in life she'd go full tilt Xtian.) Plus, ICYMI, the song was based on a Chopin Prelude. I always thought Summer was cute AF. https://youtu.be/TpcnWT3OaBU
The lyrics in the song are nice. Please forgive the sappy video and awful “country” singing. It ...
Deiter comments on Jan 12, 2019:
One of the great *promises* of the internet is that it allows everyone to create. One of the great *crimes* of the internet is that it allows everyone to create. Well, it certainly has a quaint, homemade vibe about it, doesn't it?
This is a battery commercial??? [youtu.be]
Deiter comments on Jan 12, 2019:
Had only some of those hearts blown into the deity's pre-flood.
Would you date someone with a felony record?
Deiter comments on Jan 11, 2019:
Martha Steward, *yes*; Lorena Bobbit, that'd be a hard *no*.
I have a question for the women in the group. Of course, any one in welcome to answer or comment....
Deiter comments on Jan 11, 2019:
Chicks love dudes that fix stuff.
I’m looking for a movie. It’s black and white and has a reactionary preacher in it who starts ...
Deiter comments on Jan 11, 2019:
Not about a preacher but *Inherit the Wind*? It has a climatic courtroom scene where William Jennings Bryant drops while emoting in a big scene.
Hello everyone. I'm a virgin. I'd like to lose it to an attractive female stranger. Accepting advice...
Deiter comments on Jan 11, 2019:
You may not want to lead with that, bro.
Alcohol and religion Ask the Smithsonian
Deiter comments on Jan 10, 2019:
What reason does religion have for existing if not control? It's whole mythology is about control and who gets to decide what for whom. Way too many seem to be comfortable with that. Alcohol may be one of the greatest of human inventions; it can also easily be one of the worst. Such is life. As H.L. Mencken said about Puritanism, *the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be [having a good time].* And Patti Smith: *Jesus died for somebody's sins but not mine...My sins. my own, they belong to me. Me.*
i need to vent. yesterday my dad went and saw his cousin. her grandson, my 4th cousin is being ...
Deiter comments on Jan 10, 2019:
Rape changes everything, I'm afraid. Sadly, prison is probably no cure for misogyny either. (Your family tree was kind of hard to follow. *Fourth cousin*? Who even has those? I never met one, anyway.) However we love them, as Sartre said, *family is a pocketful of merde.* (Although, I googled and couldn't find it. Maybe I just said it.)
My daughter recently came out as gay. It is really interesting, as she is in her early 30's and said...
Deiter comments on Jan 10, 2019:
Shortly after my wife moved out, I was on social media and one of her friends responded to a pic she'd posted of herself remarking how radiant and happy she looked. I thought, *Nah, I don't need this* and decided to Unfriend her, some of *her* friends, and all of her family immediately – it was an extended family so it was quite a few people. I don't regret it. (My daughter said she was surprised but understood.) I saw no value in maintaining a connection with these people under our changed circumstances. But, you know, whatever works for the individual's situation: My wife and I are civil and we love our kids. But we're not friends – she seems to find way too many triggers in me. From my perspective, beyond your daughter's relationship with this guy, I don't understand what value has he for you. I'm baffled why you'd keep it going. In fact, it seems like you just received a clear indication why that's not a good idea. BTW, my eldest daughter, now a junior at university, came out to me about three years ago. She said she'd known for a while but told me when she was ready. (She says she hasn't entirely ruled out boys but is very happy with her girlfriend presently.) Her telling me was a great moment, actually. I'm proud that she was able to tell me in the way she did knowing that she'd be fully supported. (It makes my eyes leaky just typing this.) So, this: Love those whom you love, strong; discard the others and the sentimental BS as the interferences that they are. It seems to work for me, anyway.
What do you think?
Deiter comments on Jan 10, 2019:
There were a lot of years in between. I'm still not sure she got her full value.
What do you think about this Positivity Pledge? Will you send out positive vibes of energy?
Deiter comments on Jan 9, 2019:
I knew a woman who'd written and lectured on the idea of a challenge of going 30-days without complaining. Sounds like a similar idea. She was finding success with it. And she was French, a culture predisposed to be gloomy. (Maybe that's why it meant so much to her.)
Would you personally date/consider someone with different political beliefs than you? Or is that ...
Deiter comments on Jan 9, 2019:
I've made this analogy before, but it's like aircraft: The more power in your thrust, the smaller your wings need to be. It's about compensation. If they're way divergent politically, religiously, etc., what else have they got to compensate? Sure, it could happen. The smaller the wings go then they'll really need to compensate. I wouldn't rule it out but let's be real. I also think a Leftie would be much more likely to embrace a Rightie than the other way around. We're agreeable to new experiences and ideas and diversity. We know where they stand on that.
Is this YOLO?
Deiter comments on Jan 8, 2019:
Somebody said (I couldn't find it on Google) that *some die so many little deaths that they're already gone when the final one arrives* or something like that.
I read this article today on dating someone you are not yet attracted to. I believe that attraction ...
Deiter comments on Jan 8, 2019:
The idea that attaction is "an astonishingly complex scan" made by the heart, psyche, and, I'd add, the loin, is an excellent description. I know from my own experience, attraction can evolve or it can wane as more information becomes available. It can be simple or very complicated. One of the problems with dating apps is that it reduces everyone to a basic, almost archetypal level and basic doesn't work for a lot of people. I also know that you can't lie to your heart. A lie told to your heart is a lie never forgiven. Whether one can live with that kind of lie or not is up to the individual. Many lie to themselves about all sorts of things. Maybe it's a skill that gets better with practice or maybe it's a pathology or illness – or maybe both. The marriages with the most longevity are those that are arranged. They sustain for a lot of reasons that may often have nothing to do with attraction and love and everything to do with honor, duty, culture, and tradition. For many, *attraction* is a luxury and *happiness* is just a Western, mostly an American, obsession. I don't think, globally speaking, it's at the top of the list for most people.
I admire mature communication when I find a woman I am interested in. Strength, honesty, and humor ...
Deiter comments on Jan 8, 2019:
I agree. And yet, ghosting is common. I wonder, for the womenfolk, if their ghosting is seen as a matter of security? Telling someone, "I'm not feeling it" could trigger toxic behavior in the right person. I'm sure most women who've fielded offers have experienced this all too often. I've experienced denials that I thought, "Well, that seemed unnecessarily mean" but, again, I don't know where it comes from or what they're thinking. In the end, the conversation is over. However it ended will soon be meaningless. Also, as someone looking for a job, ghosting is the most common response to a down vote I encounter. Generally, those with power don't *feel* like they owe anything to those without it. Like the person who isn't *feeling it* in a potential date. It is what it is. Both dating and job searching are soul-sucking enterprises and yet we persist. Whether the rewards justify the pain, I don't know, but if anyone figures out a way around any of it, let me know.
These were very accurate, for me. [huffingtonpost.com]
Deiter comments on Jan 8, 2019:
A wholly unscientific reading of one person's wish list. I wonder what's the value in entertaining ideas about the *ideal man*? Most would certainly consider it sexist to ponder women in this way. Also, much of this list is responsive – affection, warmth, generosity, partnership, even sexual confidence. If one is not *feeling it* from or about the other, it's not going to flow. Such is a relationship. You could say if one wants affection, one should also be affection-worthy. Fair enough? I guess what triggers me most about these posts is that they seem to advocate for a kind of unilateralism: What is he bringing to *me*? As the article says, it's about partnership. Dating makes us selfish and understandably so. *Is this what I want? Can I trust this person? Are they going to be good for me? Are they just looking to hook up?* Etc. The "I" language is self-protection, I reckon. It can also be off-putting.
The Chi-lites - "Have You Seen Her" [youtu.be]
Deiter comments on Jan 8, 2019:
The definitive: ? https://youtu.be/3dyt8xICiqU
Oh dear... A Facebook friend, an actress and dancer, posted two photos of her in a swimsuit, a ...
Deiter comments on Jan 7, 2019:
Some years back when *restricted calorie lifestyles* were raging, research was being done on monkeys. An article observed that the calorie restricted bunch, showing the anti-aging benefits of living to 130, also looked miserable compared to the fatter, jollier group. You want to be the fatter monkey, you may need to love yourself all the harder. Our culture biases lean heavily to the lean and fit. But then, the rewards of seconds and desserts speak for themselves. In case you're interested: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-hunger-gains-extreme-calorie-restriction-diet-shows-anti-aging-results/
If this is true, they'll be very little money left to live on. I don't want this here in America
Deiter comments on Jan 7, 2019:
*You think your cost of living is high now...* Do you just push anonymous memes or do you actually believe this tripe? It provides no sourcing so there's no way to know how much or if any of it is true. Here's what *we do know*: • In the industrialized world, the U.S. pays the most for its health care and covers the least number of people. Major medical care bankrupts families. Our life expectancy skews down because many can't afford health maintenance. Our infant mortality rate is higher because of it. BTW, Germany provides public health care. • Avg college student debt on graduation in US is $37,172. Germans get "free" college tuition. They even pay tuition for foreign students. When I was in college, my state of CA provided affordable university and free junior college education – not anymore. It didn't bankrupt the state. In fact, the state had a surplus (as it does today). • Our unemployment rate is higher than Germany's. In fact, middle age men are killing themselves at higher rates that further skews our life expectancy down (as does opioid addiction) which may have something to do with financial insecurity. • We provide no sustainable retirement income, unlike Germany. This is something reactionaries – of which you seem to be one – are determined to destroy by taking away what little Social Security we do have and whatever else is left of the New Deal. • The U.S. military costs more than the next seven largest military budgets around the world, combined. You think you don't pay for that? In fact, more than 25% of your income tax goes to the military and Pentagon. • Germans get more vacation days off, more paid days off, and longer family leave. • Our internet is way more expensive. • Food and utility costs are about the same. • Our infrastructure is dangerously deteriorating. Instead, we're looking to boondoggle a *Wall*. • Americans do get cheaper gas but all other costs for buying and owning a car are among the highest in the world. • Germany doesn't think Climate Damage is a Chinese hoax. • Plus, this *Socialism* you so fear already exists and I'll bet you love it: It's our military, police, fire, Medicare, primary and secondary education, welfare, etc.
Online dating success stories? I'm interested in hearing if people here have some actual success ...
Deiter comments on Jan 6, 2019:
Everyone has a story. The relevance of other people's stories for us is questionable at best. So, what does research say? When we're young, we tend to have the advantage of access that we don't get in middle age and beyond. So, as bad as online dating may or may not be, what other avenues are available to most of us? At work? At church? Such is the problem. (I do research in my work, so I tend to research everything...) The Bad News: • *More than one-third of all people who use online dating sites have never actually gone on a date with someone they met online.* • *According to research conducted at Michigan State University, relationships that start out online are 28% more likely to break down in their first year than relationships where the couples first met face-to-face.* • Your chances of finding marriage online are also extremely remote, still, *couples who met online are nearly 3 times as likely to get divorced as couples that met face-to-face.* • *The US Association of Psychological Science found that reviewing multiple candidates causes people to be more judgmental and inclined to dismiss a not-quite-perfect candidate than they otherwise would be in a face-to-face meeting.* • *While the overwhelming majority of romantic relationships still begin offline, around 5% of Americans that are currently in either a committed relationship or marriage, suggest that they did in fact meet their significant other online.* • In casting a wider net, you're going to encounter a lot more you're going to want to throw back. The Good News: •* ...roughly one of every four straight couples now meet on the Internet. (For gay couples, it's more like two out of every three).* • *About 75% of the people who meet online had no prior connection...[no] friends in common...[t]heir families didn’t know each other...they were perfect strangers...[before] the Internet, it was kind of hard for perfect strangers to meet...One of the real benefits of Internet search is being able to find people you might have commonalities with but otherwise would never have crossed paths with.* And whether this is *good* or *bad* is up to you: • *...people who meet online actually progress to marriage faster than people who meet offline...couples who meet through online dating have transitioned to marriage by year four of the relationship...people who didn’t meet through online dating...half of those couples transition to marriage by year 10 of the relationship.* Make of all of that what you will.
in another group someone introduced themselves as gender fluid can someone explain to me what that ...
Deiter comments on Jan 3, 2019:
The person making the claim would be the best person to ask. If gender is a spectrum then so is what it means to the individual. As far as I'm concerned, whatever a person wants to call themselves is fine. Neither I nor Jordan Peterson need to understand, whatever their genitalia or body hair. The details aren't my business – just acceptance.
Waking Up with Sam Harris: 125 — What Is Christianity?
Deiter comments on Jan 3, 2019:
Big fan of Sam's work and his podcast. For some reason many seem to've a problem with him. I don't get it. I'm a fan of Bart Ehman's work too. Also check out David Carrier on YouTube. It tends toward the scholarly but is fascinating if you're interested in the history. He also digs into why the Bible is a fail as a historical document.
Does this happen to you? Seems it is always me doing the changing...
Deiter comments on Jan 3, 2019:
I used to have a roommate who rarely bought toilet paper. It never occurred to him. He'd rather use a magazine if he had to. (My magazines: He'd didn't buy those either.) Ah, youth...
Oh that wall again ...
Deiter comments on Jan 2, 2019:
**In what universe would an immigrant of (presumed) color and limited resources find unity with the party of xenophobia and white one-percenters?** **The same universe where "the party of fiscal responsibility" launches a $100B/yr tax cut (and revenue loss) before embarking on a huge public works boondoggle while existing infrastructure deteriorates?** The idea of a 35' wall is so offensively stupid even the Conservative Cato Institute calls it a waste. I'm always mystified when people think that some bot posting words on the picture of a blow-dried Fox spokesmodel is the equivalent of fact. Or even humor. Even the graphics are @#$%.
Incredibly Fantastic Quote by Penn Jillete. Left my theist friend dumbfounded for a pretty while ?. ...
Deiter comments on Jan 2, 2019:
What exactly is God's role in a believer's day-to-day life is something no one seems to've figured out. Maybe what Penn should've said is, "All of us live our lives as if there is no God." Based on people's actions, belief would appear to be nothing but hollow words.
I'm changing my thinking about dating and relationships. If you don't like me as I am...flaws and...
Deiter comments on Dec 30, 2018:
**I guess I'll be the lone voice of dissent then**: The dating experience hasn't been working so your solution is to double down? Tell me if I'm wrong but what I think you're saying is you're prepared, and willing if it comes to that, to go it alone. Fair enough but every time someone posts like this, and there've been many here, it sounds like what they're saying is they want to be less compromising than ever – and I'm not talking about values or self-worth. I work, I've got kids, friends, extended family, and an ex-wife – I need them (most of them), therefore my life is a buttload of compromise. It's my daily existence. I, for one, know I'm not perfect. (See the above for a list of those who'll only be too happy to remind me.) I expect change and compromise to follow me to the grave. In fact, even the Buddhist tradition says *all* suffering is essentially resistance to change. If you've got a formula that works better, please share. You'll change the world.
Religion, the Oldest Weapon of Mass Destruction in Human History (by Ned Heiden) "Most likely the...
Deiter comments on Dec 30, 2018:
Yeah. And because we're all afraid to die. Oh. And we don't understand how everything works and that makes us uncomfortable. What if there's no greater purpose? What if we're just more self-conscious and anxious apes? Horrors!
I'm dismantling my Xmas paraphernalia today. I'm enclosing a note to myself in the box. "Don't do it...
Deiter comments on Dec 30, 2018:
Can the feeling *never* come later? Have you never *not* wanted to do something, did it anyway, and ended up glad you did?
Lesson learned: When a woman tells you not to date a man because xyz, find out if xyz is actually ...
Deiter comments on Dec 30, 2018:
There's that whole *what's their ulterior motive* thing. Why would the unhappy want happiness for someone else? I've too listened to the poo-pooers in the past – often with regret. (And sometimes they're also right. Damn them for that.)
I once read an account probably written by Balzac, of a Frenchman coming home and walking in on his ...
Deiter comments on Dec 30, 2018:
[Probably misremembered, but...] *A man walks in on his wife together with best friend of many years. He says: "Oh Lenny! I have to. But you?"* Billy Crystal
I kind of lost myself this past summer. There's a lot of reasons, but I am finally coming back to ...
Deiter comments on Dec 30, 2018:
*Values* can be, at times, a luxury. We all want to be true to ours, and ourselves, and in the right circumstances maybe we can be. Poverty, whatever the kind we may have, can sometimes lead us elsewhere. Maybe next time you'll have the luxury of saying *no.*
I am a writer - have been for 38 years and have taught a series of creative writing workshops at my ...
Deiter comments on Dec 29, 2018:
Link?
The fastest growing group of people in the country has been measured as being those who have no ...
Deiter comments on Dec 28, 2018:
Typical Conservative: "Listen to me because I'm better than all *those* people." She's an atheist who can't help herself but to *other* other atheists: Not religious yet still righteous. You'd think more Conservatives would get on board with non-belief. They'd no longer need to justify their hate, they could just be. But then, maybe that's it: They don't want to own being an a--hole.
Why not? It worked for Mary! [amredeemed.com]
Deiter comments on Dec 27, 2018:
It is possible to self-fertilize without sperm, asexually, there's a word for it but I couldn't find it on Google – it's either extremely rare or theoretically possible. How special that nun would be if she immaculately conceived. If this mother were a heathen I'd be less skeptical. A hermaphrodite has twins. On their own. At least according to this: https://worldnewsdailyreport.com/hermaphrodite-impregnates-self-gives-birth-to-hermaphrodite-twins/
Fathers and daughters
Deiter comments on Dec 26, 2018:
• A father has a great influence when it comes to his daughter's likelihood for teenage pregnancy and drug use as well as her academic performance, the kind of abuse she'll tolerate, self-esteem, and much more. You treat them in the way you want them to be treated. • That my father loved me very much, I've no doubt. He also loved me *in his way* as I know I do for my two daughters. The best I can say is *I try*. I bumble often, as in all of my relationships. I've won at some things, been less successful at others. I try to make it a point to let them know when they're right and I'm wrong. • My father fancied himself as a patriarch and would take offense when his kids didn't take his advice. He was a man very much of his time. Looking back, I'm trying to see him with a more empathetic eye. I know his life wasn't easy. You want to be a patriarch? Make your kids reliant on you for their livelihoods and you too can raise a Donnie Jr, Ivanka, and Eric. They'll lie for you and carry your water. (It makes Tiffany look all the better, doesn't it?)
I hope this post won't be frowned upon too much. I'm just curious if this often happens to anyone ...
Deiter comments on Dec 24, 2018:
Why the guilt? You choose candidates based on the information available. Much better to not start than go a few dates in and then decide same. It's your life. Judge all you want – unless you feel it's not working for you. Is expanding your pool the answer? Maybe or maybe not. I agree: It's an exercise in futility. So is loneliness. It's a dilemma.
Think I should get one? I always wanted to look like a Amish Wolverine! Gotta find out who does his ...
Deiter comments on Dec 24, 2018:
*Amish Wolverine*: Perfect!
When theists try to tell you why you should believe in god... Do you hear them out, or is it an ...
Deiter comments on Dec 23, 2018:
Well, I don't live in *wherever-the-f--k-is* Mason OH, but people around here don't ever say such things to me. Once I'd a coworker say *Well, how do think everything got made, then?* What do you say to that? *Uh, I don't know but we have some pretty good ideas and evidence. I'm just glad it did.* Otherwise, outside of the Jehovah's Witnesses knocking on my door, no one has ever been so presumptuous in my adult life. (Well, there was that cousin that one time. And that uncle of my wife's...) When they try to tell you such it assumes you've arrived at your conclusions without much thought. Frankly, that's insulting.
Okay, I changed my status to "seeing someone." Anyway, I did that for one primary reason. I am ...
Deiter comments on Dec 23, 2018:
I was married 20 years. We *never* know where it's going, even under the best of circumstances. And when I say *we* I mean those of us here. I know many who've coupled for life, but I think I can safely say *that's not us*.
Surprising how many people are posting about their preparations for christmas on an agnostic ...
Deiter comments on Dec 23, 2018:
Without all the religiousity behind it we'd never get the day off. That makes it legit enough for me. Plus, I love all the drinking, cookies, and fake good cheer. I'll imbibe happily. I don't care if it's for Lord and Savior Jesus or Jesus with the weed blower. Let's just ride this gift horse.
I bought myself a Christmas present on line. I had actually looked at it in the brick and mortar ...
Deiter comments on Dec 20, 2018:
Sorry, dude, but you're part of the problem. Brick and Mortar stores complain that the public only uses them now as showrooms for Amazon. Have no doubt, whatever *discount* you think you're getting at Amazon is coming at a very steep price. This is why robber baron Bezos has most of the world's money and plans on strangling all the world of business – retail is only the beginning. And this Mr. Potter-meets-Goldfinger is now building rockets and running entertainment empires! Monopolist John D. Rockefeller's vertical integration and price wars were punk moves compared to what Bezos is going to pull off.
Keeping things in perspective
Deiter comments on Dec 19, 2018:
Am I the only skeptic? I see people withdrawing from loved ones, be they lovers or relations, all over the place for all kinds of reasons. The heart can still care but the body will go elsewhere. It *should* be as above; it isn't nearly enough.
I DO love hugs! ???
Deiter comments on Dec 19, 2018:
So does petting a dog.
If you're one of these, please don't change.
Deiter comments on Dec 18, 2018:
*Someday we'll find it The Rainbow Connection The lovers, the dreamers and me...*
They say to challenge your self regularly to keep healthy. On Sunday one of the lady neighbors came ...
Deiter comments on Dec 18, 2018:
Or, it's more trouble than its worth. One way or the other there's always a debt to be paid.
That’s about how I view the Christmas story. Except I do enjoy holiday lights and wrapping gifts. ...
Deiter comments on Dec 17, 2018:
Think of it like wilted lettuce: Just pick it out and enjoy the rest.
Got a weird text friday night. It was a pic of some girls boobs saying "I was talking to you on ...
Deiter comments on Dec 17, 2018:
It could be a scammer or phishing scam. A certain percentage of profiles may be, I've heard. Even a certain amount of job ads are fake. The boobs pic to start should've been a giveaway.
A Catholic Hospital in Iowa Won’t Perform Vasectomies or Tubal Ligations Anymore | Hemant Mehta | ...
Deiter comments on Dec 16, 2018:
Another (of many) reason(s) why a public healthcare option is needed.
What is it? I guess I don't understand the female brain. I meet a lot of women in bad relations, ...
Deiter comments on Dec 16, 2018:
Ever notice how the faster an aircraft, the smaller the wing? The more thrust you got, the less lift you need. Much is the same with mating. Dave Chappelle talked about Kevin Hart having STFU money. I'm guessing that you, like me, don't. So, you're comparing yourself to douches who can treat women badly and they still won't leave. Don't do that. That's not you. Part of the problem is that people see potential relationships as aspirational. As someone said – bluntly (maybe Chappelle again), we all want to *f--k up.* (Chappelle is my favorite philosopher at the moment.) You can do it too. Success always wants more. Always. Another great philosopher said, "What is happiness? It’s a moment before you need more happiness." (Don Draper, that was.) I've known many beautiful, refined women who make stupid mate choices. My older sister (RIP) was beautiful enough to bank on it. She dated some really sweet guys, but she wouldn't marry them. Instead, she chose the Porsche driving, loud talking – and handsome – peacock. We expect more from women because they've more developed *emotional intelligence.* While they may've such *intelligence*, it doesn't make them less stupid. Accept your circumstances. Look at pics on the dating sites. I'll bet you'll be able to guess which ones are looking to, so to speak, f--k up. Forget about them. In fact, forget about finding someone. Learn to enjoy the process instead. I promise, when you do that, only then will you find someone.
I've just been to the movies to see Aquaman....PHwoarr, that is all. Oh wait, yes the film was good...
Deiter comments on Dec 15, 2018:
Check his series Frontier on Netflix.
Guns: Give them to everyone as a government program. Every citizen should be provided a hand gun. ...
Deiter comments on Dec 15, 2018:
**Totally disagree**. More guns will mean more guns fired and whatever consequences to follow for putting all of those bullets in the air. Offer people an opportunity to act in the most extreme way possible – i.e. administering death – based on, most often, fear-based emotional information and it won't be a formula for sanity. Here's the thing that always baffles me about this PoV: The attraction to guns is generally a consequence of a **negative view of humanity** and human behavior. One believes that life in a society is dangerous and a gun is the best protection. And yet, to put a gun into someone's hand, without any other requirements to go with that, takes the most ridiculously **positive view of humanity** imaginable. This assumes that the great unwashed multitudes will overwhelmingly act like those mythical *good guys with a gun.* That their judgment and reason will be sound and beyond question. As I said, once those bullets get airborne, the potential for disaster is enormous. The police, with all of their training and practice, perfectly prove my point. No gun enthusiast seems to give any thought to the vast array of *unintended consequences*. They're not even a part of the discussion.
Maybe you fine people can explain something to me. I went on a date with someone a week ago, she ...
Deiter comments on Dec 15, 2018:
I've wrestled with this myself bc so many times I've gotten phone numbers that've come from really nice encounters but when I called them, they put me off or, even worse, go cold. I've even had this happen with women who approached me first. All I can think is that – and forgive my testicle-centricity here, but – women will often get a kind of buyer's remorse. They may've decided in reflection that they came on too strong and maybe created too many expectations from their wannabe suitors. They made themselves appear, in their minds, too sexually accessible. So, their conclusion is that it's best to just forget the whole thing. That's my theory.
[aish.com] 4 Ways to Eliminate Negative Dating Beliefs
Deiter comments on Dec 15, 2018:
I don't get why people are beefing so hard on this. It's just some affirmations. Why so triggered, y'all? I'm not a believer in soul mates myself but I also know there're many want to believe so, fine.
Discuss video?
Deiter comments on Dec 15, 2018:
**The Questions**: *Why is there something rather than nothing?* *What caused the Big Bang?* **The Answer**: An Entity of an effective will capable of bringing 100 billion galaxies into existence. An Entity unobservable, undetectable, and unlike anything we know or have seen in the universe. The solution to the Great Mystery is an even greater mystery. Brilliant. And then: If a Creator Entity exists yet has no interest whatsoever in Earthly affairs – then, so what? Who needs it? Because only one thing matters: Keeping consciousness alive beyond the death of our bodies. If it does end, and everything we know about life and the body says it does, then the concept of God is totally superfluous: A time waster.
While out walking with my pal and our dogs we cover a wide range of topics in our conversation. ...
Deiter comments on Dec 14, 2018:
Just as an aside: I've heard it said that most people aren't capable of assimilating the killing of another. They will live with the experience as trauma. The many soldiers returning with PTSD can attest to this. And yet, many murder without any previous training or experience and are able to clean up the mess on the fly and go on with their lives. (Those TV magazine shows often featured stories like that.) I'd guess that many one-time murderers will never live a day without thinking about it. Now, maybe if you didn't have to do it yourself...
Isn’t it ironic the amount of horrific crimes that go on in the Church, when that’s supposed to ...
Deiter comments on Dec 14, 2018:
It's like they have the worst Recruiters ever.
Ghosting is a term normally reserved for relationships. It refers to an abrupt disappearance of a ...
Deiter comments on Dec 14, 2018:
Ghosting is passive-aggressive but it's not always the worst alternative. Sometimes that *last conversation* is just better not had. Sometimes there's no point. Also, as someone searching for work, employers overwhelmingly use ghosting as their down vote for a job. Even after extensive interviews, even with prestigious and highly regarded institutions – it's an expression of a power dynamic and a pissing contest that the applicant always loses. I'm always surprised how little empathy employers have, even after interviews, spec test projects, and handing you their business card and offering to *answer any questions*. Even a little amount of power makes people into douches. As in many things, it's not that they think so little of you – they don't think of you at all. (Am I angry? Yeah. A little.)
It's so off-putting when guys state they're really serious about finding a relationship, or settling...
Deiter comments on Dec 14, 2018:
Consolation prize: Never heard the term? Such a privilege to live an *all or nothing* life. Sometimes, you make dinner with whatever's in the fridge.
Soooooo...like..... for us old-sters (I hate it too.... but sixty two, is sixty too, boo hoo, boo ...
Deiter comments on Dec 13, 2018:
I'm very interested in sex. The question is, is sex interested in me?
I would replace “men” with “people,” but otherwise it’s on target.
Deiter comments on Dec 13, 2018:
That great philosopher of our time, Dita Von Teese said (maybe): “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”
I personally don't think this such a bad slur but apparently it is... So why is she not fired like ...
Deiter comments on Dec 13, 2018:
Interesting: *Butt* sex is known to occur throughout our prison systems as a means of asserting power with cruelty. This was her context. She was describing a power dynamic. Everybody knows that. You know what I find offensive? The fact that rape in prison is not only a crime of humanity generally tolerated, it's often used as a punchline in jokes. It'd follow that our culture and justice system wouldn't have much sympathy for rape of any kind, men or women. Instead, we fire a spokesblond for her attempts to be edgily entertaining: Talk about disproportion.
It's sooo true..
Deiter comments on Dec 12, 2018:
The French have words for it: *L'esprit de l'escalier.* Staircase wit – what comes to you after the fact, as you walk away.
Anyone getting this wrong pleases me for some reason.
Deiter comments on Dec 12, 2018:
Why not? Both characters are similarly plausible.
I was randomly in Vegas at the same time as my first love. Hadn't seen him in probably 20 years, but...
Deiter comments on Dec 12, 2018:
My first girlfriend found me on Facebook some years back. At the time we were together, I'd nothing to compare her to. She seemed to really love me and as a 19 year old boy craving love to blow up his hungry ego, I completely took her for granted. Now that my life has been long enough, and I've had enough experiences behind me, I can better realize what an extraordinary person, and treasured memory, she was. She's married now – happily, it seems – with a nice job (no kids – she knew early on that wasn't going to happen) – with a handsome and younger husband, and as far as I can tell, she's enjoying a good life. I'm happy for her but I'd no interest in her otherwise. But I did see a rare opportunity to pay a person forward for the kind and unacknowledged things they'd once done for me. So, I wrote her a PM to acknowledge all of that and let her know about the lifetime of memories she'd given me. Since then, we've been friendly but perfunctory as you do on Facebook. It's been years since my message and she's *never* mentioned it. I told a friend of mine about it, a woman, who suggested that my message may've simply overwhelmed her and there was nothing for her to say. In any event, I might write to others given the chance. Life doesn't offer many of those; I'm glad it was given to me.
How long did your longest relationship last? And why did it end?
Deiter comments on Dec 11, 2018:
Twenty years of marriage (and two kids – which kept the shark moving a lot longer than it would've otherwise): But, when I was 26 like you, the longest relationship was two years – officially. In my innocence (of which *26* was a part), I used to make it a point to remain friendly with exes. That sometimes brought entanglements for years to come. Then, after 30, s--t tends to get more serious. For me, it felt like the old life needed to be burnt to the ground and started over. It takes a few years but that seems to have happened to most everyone I know, whatever the timing. Divorce can also make for another scorched-earth experience. Some people, many here I'd venture, lose their Phoenix and never rise again. I've seen it happen to too many. It's a shame.
This is a follow up to my previous post about supporting my friend through the death of his brother ...
Deiter comments on Dec 11, 2018:
Absorbing those crappy feelings – loss, guilt, and shame – is the part of adult life they never told us about. I'd add that everyone first must protect themselves. Your exes need to do the same. Moving on is something every person needs to do alone. The best help you can give is by staying away, IMHO. *Helping* is a job for friends and family. And if they don't have those, well, that's too bad but at the bottom it's a solitary process anyway. Crappy feelings are just part of the cargo. I think you know this already.
My ex husband passed away last night from a long battle with cancer. He asked for me a few days ago...
Deiter comments on Dec 11, 2018:
*I wish things had been different...* – that oft repeated lament we all indulge in that does absolutely no one any good. We want to pretend that life isn't complicated and changing. Instead, think about the value you brought to each other's life, not that it didn't go on forever. As if anything ever does. Your marriage was a part of your life's fortune, not its deficit. Though, a change of perspective doesn't make all the pain miraculously go away.
This is exactly what happened in my marriage.
Deiter comments on Dec 11, 2018:
It sounds like that by the time all of that happens, she's already lost him.
We're 75 and 81 and had our second date yesterday! I mention our ages to show that just because ...
Deiter comments on Dec 11, 2018:
Don't tell me you both are still driving! Uber, please! ;-)
Has anyone else done this? Bought tickets to a future event, with the idea that by that time you ...
Deiter comments on Dec 11, 2018:
Yep and always w/ regret. I wish you better.
I judge people by their actions.
Deiter comments on Dec 11, 2018:
Well, one of those parties is accused by their opponents of having too much empathy and gets called out for *bleeding hearts* as if it were an insult. Then other side, the one calling them out, takes pride in their tradition of empathetic anorexia – or *personal responsibility* as they call it – and often tries to rebrand itself in 1984 style language such as *compassionate Conservatives*. They did in the Bush years, anyway. They seem to have no such pretensions now. I agree with Al Franken: *To pull yourself up by your bootstraps, first you need boots.* Someone else noted that the true divide isn't Repub/Dem or Lib/Con but one *based on those... who’re interested in a plural society and those who’re invested in the minority rule of white men.* Yeah. I think so.
Maybe we should start testing that theory
Deiter comments on Dec 11, 2018:
Isn't this what Stand Your Ground does? And George Zimmerman, remember that guy? Duels go much more efficiently when only one is strapped.
A good interview with Jordan Peterson. He explains a lot of the science his ideas are based upon....
Deiter comments on Dec 10, 2018:
Peterson is smart and has some things to say which are worth hearing. He can also be a douche. (His sphincter gets way too tight over a the "radical Left" – whatever that is.) I think what's most interesting about him is not what he's saying as much as how he's saying it. I heard him state at the beginning of a discussion/debate that what works best in working with oppositional viewpoints is to repeat back to the other person in your own words what you believe their meaning to be. That way the other person knows they're being heard correctly. From their you can respond or destroy a Darth Vader as you see fit.

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