Have you noticed this?
Somebody does something poopy, and so you tell them it was poopy. They then respond by getting offended and saying, “You don’t know me/You have no right to judge me.”
While is is true of you in general, you just now presented yourself as poopy. How are we supposed to know anything else if this is the ‘you’—that you're representin’ to the rest of us?
If you present yourself as self-righteous or egoistic and lash out at others… then the chances are really high that others are going to call you self-righteous and egoistic… what else would you expect? If you want to be known as something else, then present yourself as something else. For example, if you want to be known as “a nice person” … then BE a nice person (or at least present yourself that way).
The next time someone says something about 'you' that offends… don't bother telling them "who you really are," because that's not what you just showed them. You just showed them the ‘you’ they called you. If you want us to see the other ‘you,’ truth be told, we would love to see it, because we want to see the you that sparkles.
It could start with an apology. “Hey, you know what I just did, I showed you (the following comments refer to Ben only) the jackass, punk-ass, bitch-ass me… would you mind looking at my "I’m sorry and I'm working on this" me next?"
It's as much about presentation as anything else.
I think people are absurd when they admonish you not to judge people. Realistically if you didn't judge people your life would most certainly be shorter. You have to use judgment in order to survive. Everyone gets judged by everyone else. Maybe not openly but people need to live, they need to be smart and judge each person/situation. So when someone tells me not to judge another I say I do so to live. I don't tell anyone my thoughts of course but I have them.
When someone tells me, "you don't know me/you can't judge me", my response is, "I may not know you, but I know what I just witnessed, so yes, I most certainly can judge it anyway I see fit. Maybe that isn't you, but it's part of you, obviously. Like a suitcase full of shit, you might just be carrying it around, but it's still you carrying it around. Don't like my judgement? Stop caring it around, cuz it's leaking and it's getting all over you."
People have bad days and sometimes, because of that, they show us their poopy side. I take people at face value. If they come to me poopy, I leave them poopy. If they come to me happy, I leave them happy. If I have made a wrong assumption about them because of their first impression, I change my mind and tell them so and why. Vice versa. If they come off as a nice person and I then find out they are really a piece of shit person, I leave them alone.
You've raised some interesting issues here. Such as....
Where does the line fall between holding someone accountable for their behavior, correcting them so they can be a better person vs. unfairly judging them?
Why are we so opposed to being corrected in our behavior and actions in the first place?
What do we do when we see someone needs correcting in their behavior, but no on around them does anything about it? I've experienced this in the workplace when a colleague's comment/behavior toward me was way out of line for a professional setting. If I come out and say, "Hey you are way out of line," then I get accused of being too sensitive, not having a sense of humor, not letting things just roll off of me, or overstepping the boundary of authority.
This is definitely an area which is slippery slope.