Today would have been our 44th Wedding Anniversary if Lisa hadn't lost her battle with cancer. On the day we were Married up on Long Island, all the weathermen were saying that the temperatures would be in the very low 30's F (around 0 C) with drizzle and snow showers on and off all day. They were wrong. The temperatures were in the mid-70's and the sun was shining all day.
After the ceremony and reception that was held at Lisa's Grandmother's house, we were given a ride to the Howard Johnson's Motor Lodge in Westbury. After having dinner in the Howard Johnson's Restaurant (when they found out that we just got married, they gave us each a glass of Sangria), we retired to our room for the night (you'll have to use your imagination to figure out what we did that night, all night). We didn't know it at the time, but there was a 50's Revival concert at the Westbury Music Fair, one of the first theaters in the round. Two doors down from us was BB King (he was sitting there, door open and with Lucille next to him) Other people in the hotel were the Dixie Cups, the Chirells and several others that I can't remember.
Today, I'm sitting in my room, alone and remembering the things that Lisa and I have done, the conversations that we've had, places we've gone to and the promises that I made to her before she passed away. I still have a hard time saying that she died. I'll tell people that she lost her battle with cancer, or that she passed away, or something along those lines. I miss her so much.
I used to have this dream of being with one woman my whole life but while I'm never going to know what that's like to have the love of a lifetime, I'm also never going to experience the grief and loss of a lifetime. I can only guess at how hard that is to experience. I am sorry for your loss.
On the plus side, you had over four decades together; my personal best is 15 years and those were not good years.
It sounds like you have a treasure-trove of good memories. Cling to the smiles they give you. Let the sadness and loss pass gently through you. Let the your new reality settle in, don't fight it ... you will likely find it getting better past the two year mark, although it's different for each of us. May you find peace and contentment.
I'm so sorry. It's been 2 years since my soulmate died, and this grief is the hardest work I've ever done. But after the 1st year anniversary I felt that he wanted me be happy again. The gratitude for having had him in my life has grown larger than the pain of losing him, though the pain will never be completely gone. I hope you feel joy again.
What you wrote about your wedding was beautiful. I’m so sorry ...it’ is so very hard isn it? I’m glad we have each other here that understand totally how you are feeling. I did not realize it till it happened to me. I wish I had the right words to comfort you but I don’t think there are words. Just know we feel your pain along with you and are here for you.