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I met a guy for lunch today and it was an identical experience to almost every other guy I've met for the last 3 years. He spent 2 hours telling me everything in the world about his life including the address where he lived when he was 7 years old and the balance in his IRA. He never once asked me anything about myself. He never commented on anything about my appearance or even let me say more than 3 words. He insisted on making me promise that I would call him when I got home so he would know I would be home safe. I Protested and protested telling him that I had been to Europe by myself so I knew I could get home safely. I don't want to ghost someone but I did not want to tell him when I was home safe.

He's obviously a very lonely old man but he'll stay that way unless he learns to show some interest in the people around him.

Lorajay 8 Feb 13

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16 comments

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2

Perfect example of why I limit first meetings to somewhere outside, where we can walk and talk. And I always mention a time limit beforehand (which can be extended if things are going well).

So if someone wants to talk their brains out - I can speed up, or point out an insect on the ground, or look at birds ... at least that's fun to me !

2

Now I feel like I'm not very nice. The poor man is a widower of 2 years and very lonely. I will invite him to some group event. I do not want him as a boyfriend I'm sure the fact that his picture was 8 or 10 years old has something to do with that as well as his social skills.

There are so many more single women in our age group than men, I feel sure he can find a lady that needs him if he will just get out and about. He contacted me from Facebook and I'm pretty sure hes tried other ladies as well. We had two mutual friends and they told me he was both an atheist and liberal so I thought what the heck I'll give it a try.

1

If he's a Widower out of a long marriage,his skills have deteriorated,perhaps gentle reminders of how he needs to understand communication is a two way street? Being alone,preys on your mind and health.......

1

Probably went overboard chatting about himself
trying to make a good impression.
If you feel that is an attraction give it a 2and
Chance then reside. If he still shows no interest
in conversing on a equitable level then you'll know wether to pursue it or not.

3

I don't think this is just men. I travel all over the US and engage all types of people in discussion. I am open and friendly. 9 out of 10 people will talk for 20 minutes about themselves and never ask a question about the other person. It's our society. Self centered . Led by the narcissists in charge.

Very true. Many societies do indeed suffer from "I strain"

2

You certainly are not alone in this regard. If before we meet, he doesn’t ask me any questions about my interests or my life, we will not be meeting, I get the feeling that he isn’t interested in me as a person.

2

The eternal problem. When someone greets you by saying "How are you?" they don't expect a detailed medical history.
You must have asked a polite question about him, like "What's your life like?" and got a fully detailed history, starting from when he was aged 7!

2

Sorry this keeps happening to you. I don't have any advice for you - except raising your hand as was suggested earlier. Don't let these guys bowl you over.

4

Well, my last date, I didn't do very well. We didn't get along at the start. Then when I picked her up, she wouldn't get on the bicycle......stuck up.....The next thing that went wrong was when got a car and then picked her up. It wasn't my car. I don't know who's car it was.
Well, there wasn't a cent in the car so my "dinner" with Miss Chatty got worse.
So, as I was dropping her off, she screamed at me,,,,,"STOP FIRST ASSHOLE"!!'
I haven't seen her since.

Sounds a lot more interesting than my lunch.

3

Yur too good a listener 😉

Varn Level 8 Feb 13, 2020
3

With a master degree, I love intelligent conversation and witty banter.

My friends tell me to lower my standards. So few years ago, I met three local guys with only a high school diploma. All three men were extremely boring.

One man talked on-and-on about fishing and hunting trips in excruciating detail. "He didn't want to pay $200... so I said... then he said... and I was like..."

Learned to raise my hand with my teacher ex-husband who can talk endlessly. Terry immediately called on me. Worked a charm.

"You monopolized the conversation and didn't ask me a single question," I told my date. "I read your profile," he replied. "I don't need to know more." End of date.

Barely got to the door with the glaze over my eyes.

Poke him in the eye with a sharp stick and say "read it now assho*&&^!"

It has to said though about the 'hunting, shooting and fishing bores'. That they were the species R. Kippling was thinking of, when he coined the immortal phrase. "The female of the species is more deadly than the male." LOL

4

This is something both males and females can be guilty of at times. Both parties should look for, and try to create, a balance. I think at times an enthusiastic party may rush to validate themselves with too much info at the first meet. I remember a few where I hardly got a word in between her "important" phone messages (adult kids & grands) and her bad-mouthing past dates and ex-husbands. If and when I tried to insert some info about myself before the meet ended (after NOT being asked), I've been accused of that very thing... getting a word in edgewise. First meets are probably not a good indicator of what a person is really like, but they often kill the chances of a 2nd meet. While we're on the subject of rude dating events, my most surprising was a lady who posted she was my age (photos looked that age), but was actually 10-years older (she said) and looked 20-years older. I'm no spring chicken, but my age is accurate, my photos are recent and all are dated. She said she was a Hollywood actress. That part was true... she had 20 movies on her IMDB page. But the nuttiest thing was her not-visible Bluetooth hearing aids that wirelessly connected with her iPhone, which was mercifully out of sight, but being secretly used the entire time. In the middle of our conversations, she'd suddenly go off the tracks and be talking to someone else, with utterly no warning. Not sure all the calls were incoming. Again and again. And again. I had no idea, no warnings, didn't know she even had hearing aids under her hair. Never seen that. Just wow! The things we see. 😉

2

It is bizarre to me that someone can get to their dotage and still have no idea how to go about relating to other people -- or even any awareness that they've got a problem.

I mean, I don't consider myself the greatest thing since sliced bread in that regard, but I know enough to ask the other person about themselves and let them ask me what they want to know about me and avoid TMI early on and so forth. Be it dating or just getting to know anyone.

He's clearly looking for someone dependent to care for though so ... there are some layered problems here that are best avoided.

2

I think this is common for a lot of people, unfortunately. There's this perception that we need to constantly be selling ourselves on dates, when the best conversations are actually those where the other person feels heard and appreciated. Taking a genuine interest in another person is one of the best gifts we can give. I hope you find someone who is more inclined to a give-and-take interaction.

3

Well assessed. Dealt with properly (if I may say so...)

I’ve met a few women like this in my past.
First meeting was the same... then at the end of that meeting she said “I’ve had a great time. I’d like to see you again”.
To which I replied “Why? What have you learned about me?”
She had no response...

I need to remember that great response.

2

Sorry it didn't go well.

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